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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
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02-09-04, 01:33 AM
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#1
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Suspended Suspense
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The Soldiers Creed: Story of my life...
IP:
I'm going to try out a different style, see if I can't push out a couple more bars then usual, tell me how it turns out..
The Soldiers Creed: Story of my life...
I let go of my fears, cause my death is ordered and near I let go with the tears, as I lead the head of the spear my future is clear, a dotted line brought the end of my existance the wounds sutured with beer, realizing it's past time for resistance I see my fate in the distance, As it steady beckons me onward I'm upon it in an instant, no more futile attempts to act calmer We've dealt with the bomber, but his lackey's remain ever so faithfull They constantly grow stronger, attacks increasingly clever and fatal I struggle to stay stable, still stuck in this horridly hazardous habitat I've got stories to fit fables, of how I'm morbidly glad as I'm attacking back I peer mournfully into a stack of sacks, and fill with thirst for revenge I scournfully blast my gat, and will myself to fight and kill first to avenge... The death of brothers, men I have served with for so long No breath under those covers, my only peace is this psalm Enemy tags in my palm, tightly clutched and never will they be released I'm catatonicly calm, touched for the fact that I'm why they're deceased This is what it takes for peace!? I silently think to myself, no. This is how it has to be!? And I secretly and solemnly think so. Last edited by SplitSouL : 02-09-04 at 02:37 PM. |
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02-09-04, 02:37 PM
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#2
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Suspended Suspense
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IP:
uppin this.
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02-09-04, 03:35 PM
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#3
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Suspended Suspense
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IP:
uppin...
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02-09-04, 05:42 PM
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#4
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Suspended Suspense
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IP:
why am I constantly slept on...
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02-09-04, 05:51 PM
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#5
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Suspended Suspense
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IP:
Jesus christ, just one piece of feedback, please. God damn.
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02-09-04, 06:39 PM
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#6
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Suspended Suspense
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IP:
fuck all of you.
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02-09-04, 07:17 PM
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#7
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Suspended Suspense
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IP:
Quit fucking sleeping on me you bitchs!!! just fucking read it please, god damn fuck nuts,
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02-09-04, 10:25 PM
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#8
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Suspended Suspense
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IP:
I hope all of you drown in your own pussy juice.
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02-10-04, 12:08 AM
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#9
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Suspended Suspense
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IP:
Just One Fucking Piece Of Feedback!!! You Motherfuckers!!! Jesus Christ!!! Fuck All Of You!!!
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02-10-04, 12:36 AM
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#10
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Guest
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IP:
You cant expect replies right away, dumbass
and you practically upped every hour on the hour You've upped 8 times.........this should be closed/deleted |
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02-10-04, 12:42 AM
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#11
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Suspended Suspense
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IP:
its been open since last night. I should have at least one reply lol. And you didn't fucking reply fucker, blah! Fuck it, I'm letting it get buried.
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02-10-04, 12:51 AM
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#12
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Flyweight
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IP:
haha take a chill pill nigga the lyrical evaluator is here to give you your feedback...The concept was really a good idea, i sure havent seen it much around here and i liked it. there was good imagery and you really got in this guy's head could feel the nerve rackin tension, i like how you put consistent multis in there, your vocab was well used but some of it needs to elevate just a little, i mean most of it was hot but there were a couple typical words. the flow was even sometimes but somewhere in the middle it started sounding a little bit forced. 7/10 though, keep it up and next time try to extend your stuff alot..
__________________
 <table style=filter:GLOW(color=white)>~The Lyrical Evaluator~</table>
Status 0-0
Current Battles
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02-10-04, 03:13 AM
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#13
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Guest
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IP:
Lmao at how frustrated you got.. take it easy man.. to get replies youve got to give replies.
I thought that this was an exceptional peice. You were onpoint throughout and maintained the high expectations that I had coming into this. Youre message is buried beneath bars, just abstract enough to be interesting, but not too abstract that it is frustrating. Keep on keepin' on. Good luck with everything war related brother, and while I don't support the cause to be there, the troops still have all my blessings. |
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02-10-04, 10:36 PM
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#14
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Suspended Suspense
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IP:
^^thank you very much, its about time lol, and I did reply to like 6 OM's, left long ass replys too. but its all done now, I have my feedback, and I can let it die. R.I.P. soldiers code.
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02-11-04, 04:04 PM
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#15
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New to RB
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IP:
this was a hella nice verse
not sure if ya tryin 2 write it as a poem/freestyle or not but the flow (in my head) sounded nice the vocab was nice internal rhyming on the lines always adds a nice flavor good shit all around, don't trip when ppl don't give feedback *daps* ELLi"MIST |
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