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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
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02-13-04, 01:53 AM
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#1
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Fuck You, I Rhyme Better
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I am afraid.
IP:
Does absence make the heart grow fonder?
Thus passions take a start and go farther! I miss you, every last part of your being I would act out for everyone if you are seeing Where are you, I wake up alone at night Searching the covers, alone and in fright Dream of you as my security blanket Cover my fears, shielding me quick Ignorance is bliss, do I contradict Life without you encompassing me Dream a little dream of me... I dream of you and I don’t want to wake Someone asked me a question today... What’s your biggest fear? |
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02-13-04, 03:22 AM
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#2
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New to RB
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IP:
Quote:
You have painted a picture here or longing and lonliness. In many ways I can definitely see where you are coming from and I am sure many can identify with you. Losing someone hurts infintely worse when you truely love them. I hope you find that someone again someday.
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In my babydoll dress upon a shelf
Seeming innocent, naughtiness stealth Bubble gum kisses to tease your soul Just hold me tight and I'll be in your control. |
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02-13-04, 10:32 AM
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#3
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Eddy.
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IP:
Poetry.. nice, .. ^ like stated a very good picture u potraited, here.. some lines made me think, that was very good.. vocab was very good & on point.. but what stood out here was the depth, & i believe in poetry thats the goal to reach for a writer, the deepness in a piece, and u acomplished that in this one, so very good =) i liked it man .. Props..
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Fuck you |
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02-13-04, 11:06 AM
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#4
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Fuck You, I'm Iller
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IP:
Can Def. see the emotion here..... very nice man = )
__________________
<center> Did I Beat You Before? Yeah, Probably -An Original RB Member: Yes, We're That Much Better- |
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02-13-04, 12:32 PM
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#5
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Guest
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IP:
Quote:
booooooooo! |
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02-13-04, 01:04 PM
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#6
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..Soft Focus..
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IP:
Emotion was great I liked the way you put forth this piece very well done i think you should make another verse for it because this was good another verse or two this would make a great audio track
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Open Mics The Weathers Art http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673 My Teenage Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850 Secluded http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851 Open Your Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461 |
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02-16-04, 02:05 AM
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#7
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Fuck You, I Rhyme Better
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IP:
thank you all
any ways in can improve on this? |
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02-16-04, 09:03 PM
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#8
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New to RB
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IP:
Strange Soda? I like it
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Have We Met Before? Acro Nim ...
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02-16-04, 10:06 PM
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#9
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New to RB
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IP:
It's great as it is, but if you really want my attention then maybe adding a little bit more atmosphere. I see your bed, I see it is night, but why not make the night a bit more interesting? sounds, sights, smells... maybe less on the smells...
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02-17-04, 07:51 AM
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#10
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New to RB
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IP:
This poem is very deep. I like the topic. Very good vocab and wordplay. Overall very nice peice.
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<img src="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=9053&stc=1". A Writer`s Talent Comes From A Writer`s Mind M.Perror Ming<>Literate<>Student
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