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Old 04-10-04, 11:26 AM   #1
demolish
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Posts: 189
From: chicago 26 street
peep this and leave feedback

IP:

i havent been here in while but let me see if i still got it....


ayo ill leave your face fixed/
face it, your too basic/
my words'll sting you llike mace, bitch/
im testin your courage to see if your brave/
if ya messin wit me ill leave ya scorchin in flames/
ill make da hardest muthafucka shrink his testicles/
im bendin muthafuckas to make em flexible/
im not smart im just very interlectual/
trust me im sick/
you say your ill but like a kid/
that dont wanna go to school your fakin it/
i got infinite creativeness/
im lyrically bakin this/
yall bitches is new to me/
what da fuck can ya do to me/
that i haven't done to you/
when i press this gun to you/
im just having fun wit you/
my thought process is complex/
if you contest peeps'll think mcs is fakin bomb threats/
cuz wit you there is no explosion/
you cant fuck wit the dosage when im flowin ferocious/
ill leave the most notrocious foes wit domes split/
you suck more than a leech/
your life is outta your reach/
when i begin my sacred speech/
your internal liquids start to leak/
im da sickest when i speak/
i make foes retreat to there habitat/
your words dont harm me so ya better grab a gat/
im hazardous when im attackin these cats/
wit miraculous acts/
you wont be breathin when im stabbin yo back/

Last edited by demolish : 04-17-04 at 11:59 PM.
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Old 04-10-04, 11:43 AM   #2
Concrete
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From: Vienna, Virginia
IP:

Alright

First-I liked the intro line, great starting line, also like the testicle line, those are the lines that really stood out

But, in the middle it sort of got choppy and faded a little bit, like this line I didn't comprehend

"youll wish that you never had a son when i touched his bro/"

Sort of really forced words in with a desperate aggravation to rhyme words.

Try not to force words, and the flow was lacked in there, try to improve there, and enhance in the branch of multies and vocabulary, it would prove a great, er....metamorphasis in your rhymes(as in elevation)

And I'm being honest, you got bountiful potential, and a few more rhymes and tweaks here and there, you'd really be a better emcee than you are right now.

Keep dropping, I look foward to your other ones


Keep ya head up

Oh and if you got time , try to peep my rhyme, "Big Pimpin"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
note-why you edit it demolish, now I gotta add my feedback to the new part, haha dont sweat it dog, Ill add feedback to the edited part later bro
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Last edited by Concrete : 04-10-04 at 12:05 PM.
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Old 04-10-04, 12:01 PM   #3
demolish
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From: chicago 26 street
IP:

thanks concrete.
anyone else got some feedback?
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Old 04-10-04, 12:09 PM   #4
chekmate
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From: chi-town
IP:

yo demo dog, that shit was pretty tight man.
keep droppin yo liricall shit.
PEACE OUT.

FLATLINAZ KILL FO' REEL.

i SPIT WHAT I LIVE,
I LIVE WHAT I SPIT,
THAT WAS SOME NICE SHIT.
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Old 04-10-04, 12:12 PM   #5
demolish
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thanks chekmate,
keep reppin flatlinaz.
uppin for more feedback
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Old 04-17-04, 11:25 PM   #6
demolish
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IP:

some feedback plz
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Old 04-17-04, 11:49 PM   #7
SPuL™
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yea, man, I was feelin' that. You had some nice vocab in there. The flo was pretty good, it went off in some parts. But overall it was a tight drop. keep droppin'. PEACE
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Old 04-17-04, 11:55 PM   #8
demolish
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From: chicago 26 street
IP:

thanx for da feedback spul.
anyone else got sumthin to say?
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Old 04-20-04, 04:57 AM   #9
SUPERVILLAIN
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honestly.............i feel the exact same way as spul does. keep the work coming. one.

s.v. dangerous
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Old 04-24-04, 11:35 AM   #10
demolish
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thanx , anyone got somethin to say?
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Old 04-24-04, 11:45 AM   #11
Johnny$Danger
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that ish wasn't bad dawg but u should try to use smoother transitions when your flow switches up

Keep it gangsta
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Old 04-24-04, 12:19 PM   #12
Identity2k
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From: 3*0*5
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yo tyhe shit was ill. i liked it. nice opener and an aight ending. everything inbetween was off da chain despit some simple or forced rhymes. HOL IT DOWN...1


HOLLA BACK AT MINE BLOOD, SWEAT, and TEARS
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Old 04-24-04, 01:37 PM   #13
BuFu ThA mAn
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Yo that ish was pretty hot dawg!!!!
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