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Old 06-07-04, 09:48 PM   #1
G Deuce
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From: The Underworld
Breathless

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This is my first poem that I ever wrote when I was little. I was going through a lot at this time and it still sticks wit me through all the problems that I have. Hopefully you will like it.


Breathless
by Will Taylor

As I look into the mirror and see what once was me, I Breath...
for this stranger can not seem to set himself loose or free, I see...
the strain in his eyes of pain from emotions tied, Helpless...
Because his tribulations strangle his will to fight, Breathless...
It seems as puddles of blood rests itself on his trials and fears
For the reflection glistens his pain instead of the shine of the mirror
I step back, because the truth hurts more in person than covered by lies of sin
Since I was only used to writting words to drip the blood through the pen
Then I saw as the stranger chokes for his last breath that he seems not to find
Not knowing that defeat is not realistic, but only dwells in the mind.
He lays his head upon his chest, I feel that the anticlimatic turn has come
But behold, another stranger, younger, reveals himself from behind as his son.
But Behold, a new dream has come forth to shine through the cloud of scorn.
Then I turn, and finally I understand. To have knowledge of the rose, you must understand the thorn.
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Old 06-07-04, 09:52 PM   #2
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From: ☆•°•☆яαρvεяεѕε☆•°•☆
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Nice Piece I Was Feeling It Was Deep And Full Of Emotions..!!!! ...

I Like It
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Old 06-07-04, 09:54 PM   #3
G Deuce
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Thanks DP, it was ment to send a message to other people about problems that other people have and to give them a chance to acknowledge them.
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Old 06-07-04, 10:11 PM   #4
G Deuce
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uppin for more feedback.............................
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Old 06-08-04, 06:55 PM   #5
G Deuce
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uppin for feed back................................
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Old 06-08-04, 07:02 PM   #6
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From: ☆•°•☆яαρvεяεѕε☆•°•☆
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Uppppin This' .. Thread For Mah Boi!!!!!!!!!!!!! ..


Ya'll Quit Sleepin On His Piece Of Work!!!

& Drop Some Feedback' ...!!!!!!!! Wether 'Negative or Positive' ..!!!!!!!

C'Mon
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Old 06-09-04, 01:32 PM   #7
HeXen
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dis was nice for ya first peace..emotions were flowing...nice poetic techs but try to use mulits coz this wil make ur skill even deeper..even so dis was nice...

8/10
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Old 06-09-04, 04:17 PM   #8
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that was perrty nice man i liked it.
it was a deep peice man liked it alot
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Old 06-09-04, 11:09 PM   #9
G Deuce
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thanks peeps, still upin for more feedback........
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Old 06-16-04, 08:53 PM   #10
verbal violence
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From: colorado,Ft.Morgan
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yo im feelin it dawg nice poem for sho

I step back, because the truth hurts more in person than covered by lies of sin
Since I was only used to writting words to drip the blood through the pen
Then I saw as the stranger chokes for his last breath that he seems not to find

im feelin that line
yo im feelin ya whole poem and what it represents dawg keep uppin feed back on dis piece of art
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Old 06-17-04, 10:30 AM   #11
G Deuce
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uppin for feedback
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Old 06-17-04, 04:05 PM   #12
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good work
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Old 06-17-04, 09:35 PM   #13
Miss. Lyricist
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That was awesome, man. Keep up the tight shit.
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Old 06-18-04, 12:36 AM   #14
G Deuce
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Fa sho, still uppin for feedback
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Old 06-18-04, 03:11 AM   #15
andu09
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for real that was some deep shit
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