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Old 11-06-04, 10:43 PM   #1
JJFLOWSUM_5
Flyweight
 
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Posts: 129
From: st.louis
these is my feelins

IP:

look baby we gotta stay strong even when times get heptic,
ya feelins is startin to change but i wont except it,
we juss gotta stay strong,through all da hard weatha,
but the only way i'll b happy u no,is if we togetha,
wetha it's ice,sleet,gettin hott or gettin cold,
u no i'll b wit ya until da days we gettin old,
cause every time i see ya eyes,they juss so exquisit,
thats why i cherish every moment,u no dat we visit,
it's like every time i kiss you,i get a rush down my spine,
and u no it makes me smile to no dat ya mine,
i cant epxress dis in words dats why im writin dis poem,
but i no ya feelins is deep,even though you dont show em,
we aint talkin rite now,so im writin on da internet,
dont go to far gurl,cause u no i aint finished yet,
we gotta stay strong but stop all da fights,
keep da good days,but stop da bad nights,
im sorry for all da bad names,and all da bad words,
cause bein treated rite is wat u diserve,
cant show it now but deep down im hurtin,
each day i pray,dat dis will keep workin,
but i hope dat u feelin da same feelins i feel,
cause dis rite hurr dese feelins is real,
but each day we learn,u no we grow,
findin out stuff dat u would neva no,
ya body's so perfect,u no i love da shape,
i could eat you all up like my dinna plate,
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Old 11-06-04, 11:01 PM   #2
JJFLOWSUM_5
Flyweight
 
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From: st.louis
IP:

ey yall give me some mu fukin feedbac yall
dis shit was tight,tell me wat yall think
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Old 11-07-04, 08:16 PM   #3
JJFLOWSUM_5
Flyweight
 
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Posts: 129
From: st.louis
IP:

ey yall come on give me a lil bit of
feedbac.come on yall wake up damn
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Old 11-08-04, 02:58 AM   #4
Terumoto
I have a lot to learn...
 
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From: Life.
IP:

it was actually pretty good... Not very original, but done pretty well...

Id give it about 6 outta 10

bad points were lack of originality, and structure.
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Old 11-08-04, 09:39 AM   #5
Loveliss Grandz
***cITYSLICka***
 
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From: BrOOklyN,N.Y.
IP:

it was aight.not bad at all...keep em comin'
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I'm like CHUCKy dyin' to live in the flesh free of the BATTERY,
ASSAULT n ROBBERY rapidly,wishin' cupid would clap at me
N lift this evil spell so I can experience happilly evil backwards-see(down there)
EVIL............backwards =............LIVE
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Old 11-08-04, 04:00 PM   #6
JJFLOWSUM_5
Flyweight
 
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Posts: 129
From: st.louis
IP:

thanx foe da feedback
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Old 11-08-04, 04:23 PM   #7
Introspect.
Banned: Cheating
 
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From: Boston
IP:

yea was aight not bad just up your vocab an origanality like OMB said.............
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Old 11-08-04, 04:34 PM   #8
JJFLOWSUM_5
Flyweight
 
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Posts: 129
From: st.louis
IP:

aiight man thanx for a feedbac...holla...
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