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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
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07-05-02, 07:53 PM
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#1
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Guest
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~~Missing In A Commercial World~~
IP:
Prosperous Homages Once Contemplated In Childish Imaginations..
Put Into Action By Tha Immitations Of Invisible Exagerrators.. Individual Laminations Are Stripped Of Their Own Escutcheons.. And Lectured On How Tha Specific Moment That They Met You On.. An Unknown Figure, A Silhouette That May Have Never Been There.. A Vision Seen Across Arable Clearing, Before Tha Remote Lair.. Tha Prominent Folk Incline Tha Views Shared, Non Participation.. Astronomers Pause Star Gazing As We're Gifted By Alien Invasion.. Time Arrangements Are Put Forward As Consequentially Submitted.. As Drowning Hands On Clocks Was Permitted In A Future Vision.. I Take A Long Gaze At Tha Air As My Life Dilatorily Decreases.. Each Second Is Like An Ancient Song Inside Broken Into Pieces.. Or An Intersteller Company Fleeing From A Haste Searing Shuttle.. Tha Moment I Was Added To This Oxygen I Knew I Was In Trouble.. Crumbling Rubble Was My Domicile As I Rebuild With Vague Hands.. Assembled A Ruin Like Tha Acropolis, But Constructed It On Sand.. Making Moral Money But Sacrificing Tha Whole Mortal Lifestyle.. Tha Whole Concept Of Abundance Was Resting On A 30 Day Trial.. 40 Damn Miles Is My Location, Tha Belly Of Nothing, Infinity.. Adjacent Sides Move Differently, But Yet Somehow In Symmetry.. Im Snared On Tha Fate Vines, In A Concrete Jungle Of Emptiness.. But In This Dense Hemisphere Im Still Tha Commendable Messenger.. Y'all Remember That Song About Tha Whole Globe Thas Being Held?.. Well I Must Have Fell Out, As Im Missing In A Commercial World.. Tha Author Of An Unfilled Auto-Biography, Tha Pages Are Blank.. Trying To Be Tha Drama On An Outer Space Voyage Yet Still Sank.. Quils Yank My Whole Anantomy Towards A Special Type Of Plain.. My Views On Life Begin At Omega So They Can Never End In Vain.. Ceremonious Shame, Fallen Through Tha Holes Of A Magnanimous.. Mans Blasphemous, Tha Birth Of Me Made Our Earth Calamitious.. Tha Lenses Never Focus On Whats Beyond Of Tha Exterior Flesh.. Im Tha Interloper Link Concluding Nothing On A Pointless Quest.. Impervious I Am Not, Persecuted In This Reality Of Murderers.. Intelligence Of A Surgeon, But Constantly Impeded Like Hurdlers.. Following Tha Light As It Travels At Speeds My Eyes Cant Contest.. Towards Death, Absent Was Tha Only Word I Engraved In Context.. Repitition Of Lifting Tha Weight Of Tha World Above My Torso.. Escalation Of Ordeal Is When Tha Bar Slips During Tha Forebode.. Tha Pressure Then Collapses Like So Many Designs I Have Devised.. On Top Of My Life, And I View Tha Eras As They Promptly Divide.. Something I Could Never Modify, But Life Isn't Meant For Change.. Country Was In A Frenzied Craze, I Couldnt Reach From My Range.. I Guess Im Obsolete As I Search For Tha Meaning Of My Existence.. Billions Of Ears, Im Guessing That Nobody Even Wants To Listen.. Im Snared On Tha Fate Vines, In A Concrete Jungle Of Emptiness.. But In This Dense Hemisphere Im Still Tha Commendable Messenger.. Y'all Remember That Song About Tha Whole Globe Thas Being Held?.. Well I Must Have Fell Out, As Im Missing In A Commercial World.. Mirrors Only Reflect Tha External Happiness If You Like Smiling.. Inner Child Consistantly Crying As My Emotions Keep On Lying.. I Cant Keep Finding My Own Personality As It Was Never Created.. Activity Instantly Sedated As My DNA Is Streched Dilapidated.. Picture Perfect, If Only That Coloration Was What I Hoped For.. Me Versus Myself And I Couldnt Even Top My Opponents Zero Score.. I Feel Worthless, My Soul And Essence Is Up For Sale For Free.. I Once Had An Analogous Friend, Tha Name I Remembered Was "She".. Why I Must Travel So Brisk Into Oblivion, Is QnA Thats Rhetorical.. Why Im Here Is Weird, But Why Im Still Here Is Damn Illogical.. I Now Perform Acts Of Demise, Who Would Care If I Wasn't Acting?.. This Sphere Of Sin, I Have To Cooperate, But Im Still Trapped In.. That Liquid In That Crevice Draining Is My Rapping As Of Now.. All My Decibels Cause Ache, Tha Ones Before I Hear "Quieten Down".. If Ever I Made It To That Glade, Victory Billowed By Tha Mist.. Forced To Make Unethical Choices, In Lifes Multiple Choice Quiz.. An Outcast To Societies Raising Is How This "Felon" Was Labeled.. Both Shoulders Inhabitants Agreed Tha Answer Was On That Table.. I Wonder What Life Is Like After Ive Been Picking At Tha Sewing.. Picked Up That Light Steel, Raised, Directed It At My Dome And.... Last edited by N-Demik : 07-08-02 at 11:33 AM. |
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07-05-02, 09:58 PM
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#2
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Guest
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IP:
....Very Nice drop, Very nice... I was feeling the whole script, everything was nice, what I loved the most was the vocabulary, I have never seen some of the words, but that's good, because I can someday use them in one of my verses
 . Some of the lines I really liked were..."I Take A Long Gaze At Tha Air As My Life Dilatorily Decreases.. Each Second Is Like An Ancient Song Inside Broken Into Pieces.." "Or An Intersteller Company Fleeing From A Haste Searing Shuttle.. Tha Moment I Was Added To This Oxygen I Knew I Was In Trouble.." "Following Tha Light As It Travels At Speeds My Eyes Cant Contest.. Towards Death, Absent Was Tha Only Word I Engraved In Context.." "Mirrors Only Reflect Tha External Happiness If You Like Smiling.. Inner Child Consistantly Crying As My Emotions Keep On Lying.." and... "Forced To Make Unethical Choices, In Lifes Multiple Choice Quiz.. An Outcast To Societies Raising Is How This "Felon" Was Labeled.."- One question though...Was there a pattern...the start there is a mass confusion of Vocabulary and then as it goes further down the vocabulary shortens, or was it just Coincidence? Overall...Your the vocab king, loved all of it, 1ne. |
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07-06-02, 06:41 AM
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#3
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.Tha Open Mic King.
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IP:
Damn man, this is hella LONG...be like a 16 minute tracc on an album..hahaha
BUT.. Shit is dope asa fucc it took me 3 goes to finish reading this whole piece, but im glad i did... it combines excellent vocab with stunning imagery with incredible poetic flow & trmendous concept No Bad words to say... Keep up tha good work Take care Peace n god bless |
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07-06-02, 08:18 PM
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#4
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Guest
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IP:
Whoa 2 Replies..
Thanks For Tha Feedback D-Threat And Mess..Appreciate It  Zzzz..Blah.. |
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07-07-02, 06:35 PM
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#5
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Guest
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IP:
Up......
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07-08-02, 11:29 AM
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#6
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Guest
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IP:
Down....
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07-08-02, 07:29 PM
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#7
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Guest
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IP:
Sup, sorry its been a long time since I actually replied to anything, i-net werent connecting properly etc... This is iLL, its a good read, intellectual, with a deep meaning and some powerful lines... The concept was well thought and well displayed, you showed some creativity and the depth was showing throughout, a lot of emotion and thought put into the ideas... Liked that, rhythm and flow, no problem, the syllables were correct on the multies and it showed through with the internals, the flow was smooth and flawless... Vocab was extreme, the knowledge was there, sometimes thought a more individual and simplistic style woulda delivered your message more clearer, thats why this aint been critiqued... Your wordplay was on point, metaphors, some similies and this helped to work the mind and expand the mental... A very good piece, a decent read, thought it was flawless in places and some areas open my eyes man... Keep dropping the gems sun...
Peez... |
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07-09-02, 08:31 AM
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#8
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Guest
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IP:
Thanks For All Tha Feedback RhetoriX..
I Will Hit You Up On AIM.. |
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07-09-02, 06:01 PM
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#9
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Guest
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IP:
Blah...Down..
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07-11-02, 11:34 AM
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#10
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Guest
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IP:
LOL..
Feedback Is Astronomical.. |
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07-11-02, 03:18 PM
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#11
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Guest
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IP:
ths was hella long!!.....
but it was worth the read!!! im feeling this: nice topic ~great flow~ great thoughts!!1 keepit flowin like volcanoes check out some of my stuff |
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07-11-02, 07:44 PM
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#12
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..A New Breed of Femcee..
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IP:
YoO Rook...
......^I always call you that and its not even your name anymore..hope you dont mind.. ......Anyway..I said it before and it still stands..you are one of my favorite reads in open mic..ah, fuck it..you ARE my favorite read in open mic..This piece was nothin less than incredible..All your verses scream illness, in my ears, but this one was exceptionally well written..Every single bar packed contemplative word-play and reflective lines that just made my jaw drop. I got lotsa quotes, so bear with me: 1stverse: >Time Arrangements Are Put Forward As Consequentially Submitted.. As Drowning Hands On Clocks Was Permitted In A Future Vision.. I Take A Long Gaze At Tha Air As My Life Dilatorily Decreases.. Each Second Is Like An Ancient Song Inside Broken Into Pieces.. >40 Damn Miles Is My Location, Tha Belly Of Nothing, Infinity.. Adjacent Sides Move Differently, But Yet Somehow In Symmetry.. ^Tight. 2ndverse: >Tha Author Of An Unfilled Auto-Biography, Tha Pages Are Blank.. Trying To Be Tha Drama On An Outer Space Voyage Yet Still Sank.. Quils Yank My Whole Anantomy Towards A Special Type Of Plain.. My Views On Life Begin At Omega So They Can Never End In Vain.. >Something I Could Never Modify, But Life Isn't Meant For Change.. Country Was In A Frenzied Craze, I Couldnt Reach From My Range.. I Guess Im Obsolete As I Search For Tha Meaning Of My Existence.. Billions Of Ears, Im Guessing That Nobody Even Wants To Listen.. ^That was mad dramatic. Very ill. (i wanna listen, dammit) 3rdverse: >Mirrors Only Reflect Tha External Happiness If You Like Smiling.. Inner Child Consistantly Crying As My Emotions Keep On Lying.. >If Ever I Made It To That Glade, Victory Billowed By Tha Mist.. Forced To Make Unethical Choices, In Lifes Multiple Choice Quiz.. An Outcast To Societies Raising Is How This "Felon" Was Labeled.. Both Shoulders Inhabitants Agreed Tha Answer Was On That Table.. Just Damn. You know what you wrote, so sorry for all the quotin..just wanted to show you what parts stood out to me...Anyway, whole shit was tight..You have a rare talent..You truly put knowledge to a rhyme...always a pleasure to read...stay up n keep blessin us.. Peace. |
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07-11-02, 07:47 PM
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#13
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..A New Breed of Femcee..
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IP:
God Damn..
My reply was almost as long as your piece  aight, im done.. |
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07-13-02, 08:36 AM
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#14
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Guest
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IP:
LOL..
Y'all Can Call Me Rook, Its Still My Alias.. Mad Appreciation For All That Feedback DGR.. ..And Thanks Kstroyer For Tha Reply Also.. |
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07-14-02, 04:48 PM
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#15
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Guest
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IP:
DOwN..
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