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Old 12-14-04, 10:15 PM   #1
rippin/blessing
New to RV
 
Posts: 99
Thumbs up my thoghts as of right now

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what im think right when i begin to writh the first word iight



I woke eyes wide and hands sweated from what I wasn’t ready for the metaphor dream that beamed from the sky and landed blank in my mind close the lids at my face and it begun in my mind a saw black but vision like I was blind like the dare devil but ware I journeyed to is something id rather not have something devastating like the devil chilling in yeah pad and given you a choice 1 your last breath or a test that takes your soul leaven you to live for nothing but shit a cut rists is what my mind see not reality so its just a thought I brought to pass but the last time I attempted I fell asleep and awoke some where I never new //I started in a dark room that as no exit but xsisty what I see is my girl Stephanie the best side of me what truly I work for I no her and see no me more then each other I guess I can really say I love her

if you dont get what im tryin to say nicko just passed away and im telling you how i did it with in the spit above it was a true story of a homie called nicko the one who loved a girl so much his world was over took then she took his heart and he new if she had a nother besides him then he would have to commit a sin with in his own body and ended it like the beef between 50 and
erv goty
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ill verbaly is my real rap name that or ill vivid if you dont get it then you illitrate these are the battle im currtly in vote and all do the same halla 1.


my open mic as of now check it rate it late
my thoughts
last nights happing
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Old 12-14-04, 10:41 PM   #2
fluidmoon
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very interesting actually, some crazy thoughts right here,but you should try to work on structure man...this was like a run on sentence, it would be easier to read if you seperated lines/bars...no hate, just honest feedback, i think you have mad potential,so keep dropping...1
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Old 12-14-04, 11:59 PM   #3
Crossword
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From: cNY
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Actually, if you think about it... It is a good strusture for thoughts... Cause thoughts run on and on and on and on... But yeah. for reading it would be better to be structured nicley. Nice drop though. keep it up, and if you would, could you hit up this...

Just a Vent
Appreciated.
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Old 12-15-04, 08:29 PM   #4
rippin/blessing
New to RV
 
Posts: 99
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good lookin for the thoughts its crazy but good lookin and all try to come up to both of your structures late
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ill verbaly is my real rap name that or ill vivid if you dont get it then you illitrate these are the battle im currtly in vote and all do the same halla 1.


my open mic as of now check it rate it late
my thoughts
last nights happing
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