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Old 12-17-04, 02:07 AM   #1
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..Rv Sucks..
 
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why does everyone feel the need to act like guns solve problems
see their only causing 'em, always harming young and baring them
scaring them for life cuz tonight they getting confined behind bars
rewind it back to reinact the scene where the matter was carved
flesh and none the less there was death to an innocent bystander
witnesses say they saw bullets whizzing out of a nissan highlander
kid was only 16 on his way home but instead got shot in his dome
not even honed on by the few assailants who still remain unknown
but evidence stacked up and fingerprints matched up to 3 people
search and seizure warrents to find a piece of metal that is lethal
cowardly way out of confrentations to murder without preminations
for heavens nation who has created these two deadly combinations
representation in court wont help, not even for accidental homicide
during the announcement of the verdit you could hear a momma cry
tears of joy but beers and toys cant reappear her little boy back
for this reason the 3 people are living in remorse of the day that
they unwillingly killed see they didnt intend for any of it to happen
packing guns is useles and these are my views of this threw rappin
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Old 12-17-04, 07:33 AM   #2
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damn thats good man...nice vocab and perfect structure...
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Old 12-17-04, 03:10 PM   #3
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thanks fam.......uppin for more feedback on this leave a link and ill return the favor no doubt
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Old 12-18-04, 01:41 AM   #4
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uppin for some more feed....please dont sleep on this.....
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Old 12-18-04, 03:29 AM   #5
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Vocabulary Was Tight Mang, I Liked The Structure On This Piece Dopeness Mang.....The Flow Was Goood 8.5/10
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Old 12-18-04, 11:49 PM   #6
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thanks fam uppin for more feed i left links so return it
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Old 12-19-04, 12:04 AM   #7
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this kind of Open Mic is old.. sorry, but thats just my view
i've seen this kind of O.M about 3,000,000 times..
this was just an ordinary.. your vocab was decent.. this was ok
nothin spectacular.. view decent standouts.. overall good piece tho
keep at it. try and get a new original topic, or an unusued not played topic
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Old 12-19-04, 12:31 AM   #8
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ohh well im kinda new and i didnt expect this to be a played topic.......ohh well not much i can do now............cept to upp this for more feed....thanks for yours^^....
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Old 12-19-04, 03:39 PM   #9
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uppin.............leave links and ill return the fav....
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Old 12-19-04, 06:34 PM   #10
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uppin........dont sleep on this cuz im new
so make me wana stay or ill go RB
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Old 12-19-04, 09:26 PM   #11
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uppity up uppin
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Old 12-19-04, 10:24 PM   #12
Kilo704
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good shyt mayne. keep dat comin yo. i really liked tha 1st 3 lines cuz really progressed in 2 tha rising plot of tha whole verse. u got skillz yo. ay return da favor and drop feedback in my open mic
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Old 12-28-04, 03:26 PM   #13
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uppin for some more feed.....willl be returned jus leave a link
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Old 12-29-04, 01:04 PM   #14
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uppity uppity up up up
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Old 12-29-04, 01:12 PM   #15
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this was dope. i liked the flow the best in this piece. the rhyme scheme was ok, it did create an ill flow though. you had multiple words rhyming within bars and in between other rhyming words. at some parts you were complex but not that much..so if thats what you were trying to do you need to improve on that a little bit. the bars were a little stretched too. that was another weakness of this piece. but the rhyme scheme was dope and so was the flow. nice job

7/10
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