YOU where my house,
you where also my mothers blouse,
I remember when you took my hand,
And we hanged around as if we where a single band.
You come to me in my dreams,
and the wind blew through you're air as it does on the swings.
You where torn from me counltess times,
but now I go to church singing ur hymes.
So as you leave me here in this world,
My love and my mind hit me as I did when I hit the floor.
So as you sit with ur creator,
I know that my family needs me on my best behavior.
So until I see you again you come to me not only in my prayers.
But in my dreams as if I shot out midnight flares.

dedicated to my aunt who passed away last night feedback please peace.

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vs super

http://community.rapverse.com/showb...918915&posted=1

do'nt be scared!!!!!!!!!!!

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vs super

http://community.rapverse.com/showb...918915&posted=1

this wasnt that good of a poem....fix up your structure some...couldve used more emotion and imagry...work on flow too...develop better vocab.....but keep workin at it and you'll get it.......no hate just elevate....return the feed on my poem....links in sig

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iight homes I will when I get done watchin my er peace.

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vs super

http://community.rapverse.com/showb...918915&posted=1

can I get more feed for I am thinkin of a new piece.

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vs super

http://community.rapverse.com/showb...918915&posted=1

id have to agree with untraceable, not bad for what its worth, but theres alot more you can do with this, Express some more emotion, fix up your structure a bit and put some heart felt words into it. just seems like you was struggling for expression, thats cool all of us do. neway work on it and shit will all be good...

neway keep droppin, stay up...

Peace...

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-Diversity-

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