i went 2 diz party dat my homeboy on a friday he was throwin'//
da dj played slo jams 2 crunk muzik dat made guys swingin' dey bows//
den he played Brain Mcknight's "U Should B Mine" & i saw diz fine azz ho//
she walked ova & asked me "If I Would Like 2 Dance" out on da dance flo//
i grab her by da hand & lead her out 2 da middle of da room//
next song he played during da middle of it had a loud boom//
den me & her left & headed str8 2 da red roof inn down da street//
while i was driving we pass da j bacc & forth make it hard 4 her 2 c//
when we got there i took her out da whip & str8 into da hotel//
i took her shirt & bra off 1st den her pants down 2 her knees as well//
next, laid her on da bed & got sum ice slid it all ova her chest//
took da rest of clothes off & put da ice down by her pus afta rubbing it all ova her breast//
i stuck da ice in & out her coochie well she moaned & came ova & ova in pleasure//
den i licc da water off her body at every single angle & every measure//
next i got out my clothes & put my j-hat on 4 protection//
i put her 2 sleep surely like she had been taking pills of medication

ok drop, good structure, nice flow. topics ok.

What i would suggest though, is get rid fo saying.. da dis dat den.
seen as this is text and not audio, slang makes it wak.use proper grammar and it will make yur peice better.
You start to stretch your bars towards the end, try keep them around the same syllable. rhymes could of been more tech. but this is an ok drop.
you need to leave a link aswell fam.