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Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio ![]() |
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Guest
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first attempt at poetry give some feedback
IP:
I WAKE UP EVERYDAY THINKING ABOUT YOU
ASKING MYSELF HOW COULD I LOSE AN ANGEL LIKE YOU I STILL REMEMBER THE DAY YOU SAID WE WERE THROUGH MY MIND WENT CRAZY TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT I COULD DO I GUESS IT WAS BECAUSE I WASNT TRUE TO YOU BOO GOD HAS PLACE ME HERE TO BE WIT YOU GIVE AND DO EVERTHING YOU WANT ME TO THATS WHY IM GLAD YOU ACCEPTED ME SO STOP COMPLAINING AND FORGET ABOUT THE PAST AND SAY"I DO" -------------- Aint as deep as other people poem but go wit it and its short cuz i aint use to this romantic stuff ya know |
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IP:
this was ok for a first poem.. ..felt what you were sayin but if you want emotion to really hit hard, word it better.. ..up tha vocab as well.. ..rhyme scheme was too simple, tha sencond to last lin didn't rhyme with tha rest of it either.. ..workin on it, you'll get it
¤DoS¤ |
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IP:
U got mad potencial boo,
but loose tha CAPS! Put in bars ... U gotta put more vocab and depth into ur work ... Make peeps feel wha u writtin, more descriptive! U started off quite well ... Props, pz ~1~ |
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IP:
nice...solid piece...simple...yet well put...i felt it in my own way...keep on elevating....respect....
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IP:
it was ok for ya first try... reminds me of stuff I used to write... use better vocab though "-tion"s are easier to rhyme with, I wouldn't write it in caps either, it feels like your yellin. but over all the message was clearly delivered, you may want to put some imagery into it or feelings or somethin but it was good, look forward toya next peice
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IP:
yo ur first poem is always da best bcuz u put most of ur tyme into it so dat it sounds good......... overall it was hott. keep writin im lookn to see more of ur shyt. 1luv peeaaaaaaaaceee
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IP:
Thanks for the advice
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IP:
no doubt!!
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Guest
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IP:
Yeah NIce Piece But Get Off The "Capital Crack"...Holla At My Scriptures..........
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