Impulsive thoughts crawl through my mind, got my fingers clasped around the machete/
Seeking for vengeance, I leave the crib as soon as I'm ready/
Outside, approaching my ride, gears on drive once I step into the chevy/
Memories come back to me, my hands tremble but I manage to keep myself steady/
In search of my enemy's crib, I try my hardest to recall the directions/
Is it Holiday Drive? Raymond...? o yea it's on that first intersection/
Fire enters my eyes and spreads like a disease, now the revenge is in session/
Surely, It's my turn to end the life of whom he gives affection/
The day he murdered my kids was horrible, I haven't slept since the day it occured/
Shot my first child, stabbed the second and hung the third/
The pain he caused me no man can or will ever be able to describe it in words/
I can just remember giving cuts to my body and burying my face in the dirt/
This time it's his dreams I disturb/ I arrive at his house and light some green on the curb/
Close to the home, I peek in the window, notice a kid no older than five deep in his slumber/
As quick as possible, I shatter the glass, without a doubt I've awaken the youngster/
The child opens his eyes wide, jaw drops but not a single word he can utter/
As I pull out the machete, I hear the words "please don't" in an innocent voice but I can't resist/
It's the moment I've been waiting for, all these years this kid has been on my hit list/
So without hesitation, I plunge the weapon straight into his throat, blood oozes out/
Feeling no pain but still shocked by the situation, I have no choice but to bounce/
Straight out the window, I rush to the car, will I make it home? For some reason I have doubts/
A few minutes on the road, I notice lights, red and blue, The Feds? How did they figure?/
I try to leave the scene, speed's 120, police car crashes in front, the whole windshields in slivers/
In haste they surround me, slithering out I hear in a loud voice, "put 'em up, your way out of line"/
Instead, I grab the machete, still in my pocket, stabbed myself in the gut multiple times/
Fell to the concrete throwing up blood, life washing away , can't remember anything elegant/
It's too bad it has to end this way, from there the rest of the tale is pure evidence/

it's alright could use a little more multi's and that but the story pretty good i could imagine it all in my mind and it all went together beatifully but it sort of rhymed not the best in some spots but hey that's ok cuz the rest made up for that keep it up and return the favor read my new one "complicated freestyle" leave some feedback and that goes for the rest who reads this link too.

im feelin that shit its prettytight
i like the structure
and the idea is pretty tight
but ure lackin multis
thats bout it
id give it a 8.5/10
return tha favor
battles in sig
thx
t

__________________

This time it's his dreams I disturb/ I arrive at his house and light some green on the curb/

one multi right there but ok i'll judge your battles

that was alright..i didnt really like your structure...flow was ok stayed on point neva slacked...wordplay was in OK use here...some lines came hard but followed but wack lines.....this drop was between good and ass....

overall:7/10

i don't see how ure getting that impression but still it's cool. i appreciate

dont forget ta check mine out

i just did. that was nice

dont forget to go peep my open mic fam...~1~

thanx i really appreciate that i just decided yesterday to just grab a notebook and write down all the multi's and could possibly think of i didn't even put em in sentences i just wrote the words and when i was makin the thread i just put 'em into sentences so it'll have that consistant multi effect u were talkin bout