i always wondered "What's In Ur Heart" really

2 many people i know u probably don't feel me

sumtimes i feel like showing love 2 evabody i c

on the otha hand people hate cuz there heart is fulled wit envy

dat'z y i don't sho love 2 nebody i don't know

their demeanor will reveal if they real or just a ho

just take ur time & c 4 yourself that people diss

......pretend 2 b friends wit ya while ur there....

when u leave unda they breath callin' u a "Bitch"

the truth is plain 2 c once u open ur eyes & notice it

people only care 4 they own & evawhere u look it'z evident

well it'z the end of examing these snake's hearts in a poem

just a short intro 2 open ur mind all the scorn

good job, i never read anything from you before i dont think, but you have the idea, the concept, and everything else...the only peeve i have with this piece is your spelling....the way you project your words is so important i cant stress it enough...please dont write like this:::: da hoodz was cold and lonely, i hads to git my nine..or some shit...i'm not trying to hate at all but.....spelling is important to the reader, to better get a feel for the poem..keep dropping.1

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"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI"

O Y D

*FluidMusic*


*Poetic Scriptures Moderator*

good lookin' out i appreciate the feedback still i'm uppin this 4 more

Concept is strong, had a good emotional vibe over it but like Fluidmoon said, fix your spelling because it's nicer and easier to read. The vocab was nice, kept it quite simple which added to the sense of pureness. Felt like it was written from own life experience and it's easy to relate to, tried to have some different levels which made the reader think about some things. Haven't got too many bad comments, just expand it a little maybe and edit the spelling, it'll be a big difference...

DQ

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