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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
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07-28-02, 11:57 AM
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#1
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Guest
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"SOCIALLYDEAD"
IP:
there is a storm brewing inside of me
it will take me to my grave i am socially dead like patterson wrote of the slaves i am a poisonous thought in a venomous brain confused misunderstood dil ap i dated jade i am filled with havoc disillusion and constraint it reaks in here of hate anger and paint the paint the world uses to create fake satisfaction happiness and joy So i sit and hope one day i will wake from this coldness... the world supplied me with no paint. im stuck in an unacquainted world that feels none of my pain im young black and educated they ignore me But soon i will make it rain. |
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07-28-02, 04:10 PM
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#2
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Guest
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IP:
Nice nice, I am liking this piece, the only thing that I wasn't feelin' would have to be the overall landscape of it, the AABB rhyme structure is my least favorite, although I tend to do it still, I can't stop it, but it does make for a redundant piece, try to focus on a piece that doesn't have that rhyme scheme, it makes for a great piece when you dont have to restain yourself to a certain structure, nice piece though, keep writting I liked it...
love... |
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07-28-02, 05:11 PM
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#3
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Guest
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IP:
yo thanx 4 da feedbacc. imma take ur advice. let me see one of ur pieces. keep droppen em. 100
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07-29-02, 11:33 AM
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#4
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Guest
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IP:
uppin!!!!!!!
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07-29-02, 07:40 PM
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#5
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Guest
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IP:
nice piece.....it had feelin and a good flow ...i dont know i like the aabb format......thiz was a lil' short but ya got ur point across much props~peace
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07-29-02, 08:52 PM
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#6
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Guest
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IP:
thanx 4 da luv
keep uppin |
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07-31-02, 12:27 PM
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#7
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Guest
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IP:
hey man..i felt this for sure...actually i feel most, if not all your pieces in some way...
there is a storm brewing inside of me it will take me to my grave i am socially dead like patterson wrote of the slaves i am a poisonous thought in a venomous brain ^^^i rememeber i was like that some time ago...parts of it are still true maybe...but the last two lines...i learnt to 'control' and 'bury'.... the rest of it i felt quite deep too in some way or the other... but the last three lines... im young black and educated they ignore me But soon i will make it rain. ^^those were kind of epic in there own sense.... - for now i am trampled all over, seen as nothing much..but soon i shall show them, soon i shall rise...and the 'revolution' shall well and truly begin - ...or maybe its just a recognition thing...whichever way...its all good... ...respect... |
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08-02-02, 08:03 AM
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#8
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Guest
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IP:
Deep ish ...
your skill is on such a high level, Props & Respect O~N~E |
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