My first poem on RV. Wat yous think??


started wiv a kiss, nearly four years past
wen it begun, it was fun, could it really last?
my friend's sister and daughter of an enemy
wat could i do to hold it all together?

ya mother the worst witch, a bitch in fact
never will believe i can clean up my act
matter of non-fiction i cant counter-act
Cant speak my feelings on you and our past
because really u never ever gave me no slack

As a teacher you did well but never taught me
only ever saw me wen i was naughty
and wen the other teacher entered your office and brought me
I wasnt that mis-behaved, its a real shame
you cant see my potential and dont know my pain
i really like your siblings, but in dis-similar ways

your son is my friend and we get along great
but you throw that friendship right back in my face
wen you wont let me see her, im losing patience
i like her and vice versa, now shut up and face it
But mum is more important so victory wud be tasteless

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uppin for some feedback

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ight dex is it a ight piece u dropped all u need is 2 fix up ur structure....work on ur wordplay a lil more....elaborate & go in-depth wit ur topic so u can make ur reader feel ya pain on y she won't understand what's going on but overall i'll give it 7.0/10 ur not bad at this whole poetry thang but just work on it & u'll elevate ova time....make sure 2 return the favor in my poem Wanna Change My Ways?? YA DIG