If I was Stephen Hawkins would y'all keep hawkin'?
Or Einstein inclined to seek problem, wud y'all keep talkin'
Brain waves make way for strange craves, synapses been absent
Then they askin' all sorts of wack shit, is Tha kid packin'
Nah...my mind is the artillery I go hard wit, memory
And experience the shells I squeeze off wit, no symmetry
One hemisphere seems off a bit, the energy beam's propensity
Burrows into my mind's density..forcing reason to rise
Resistin' treason, I cease to find any reason to lie
I am the prototype of thought, caught up in this whirl-
Wind of world sin..where logic says hide like pearl
Confined to clam shells, new ideas damned and sterile
When is the metaphorical box gonna stretch, it's narrow
Like most small minds, sparrow-like in their own world
Where bliss is the kiss of fate, dead-dates to tabulate
And the head-strong coagulate, jus like a batch of apes
Wretched in primeval tendency, primal window entrance
Naturally selected to diminish, brittle minds are a hindrance

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee er

Overall:
Very good piece. It flowed nice. I felt the whole vibe of it. The topic was cool and you went in-depth about it, so that helped. Vocabulary was awesome and helped the imagery.

Flow:
The flow was pearl. Definantly was a big plus for this piece. You stayed on piont and didnt fall off with it. Syllables went well together. Good job.

Imagery:
Imagery was very good in this piece. I felt the struggle that you were expressing. Vocabulary really brought out the imagery in your piece. So great job on the imagery.

Rhyme Scheme:
Another big focus of this piece I liked. The rhyming and multi's really flowed well together which is tough to do. You made it all make sense with your multi's instead of just forcing them. Awesome rhyming in this piece.

Great piece. Felt it all the way through. Hit up the link in my sig. Thanks, peace.

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dope shit man. this piece was nice as hell. your words was like poetry man. after readin you and VP's shit, i feel like this site may be alright after all. this reminds me of some old Atticus shit. i mean it felt like everyword had a meaning. Great piece fam. this shit was real good. keep up the good work.

PS get another win, i dont like bein ya only text win. lmao. good job fam

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^^Word...I appreciate the feedback


But, I actually have 37 text wins and 7 losses...My other name, N-SIGHT, was banned ans STROBE refuses to merge the accounts.



1

damn this was dope....nice structre flow was almost flawless...vocab was reall good...wordplay was nice...metas were good...ya really doin ya thing im feelin ya shit dawg keep up the good work im lookin out for another open mic from u good job...

8.5/10

please return the favor in me and speats open mic link in my sig...thanks

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Clcik Hear To Hear My Music

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick... ya sick fucking piece, pretty good use of vocab, like this shit a lot, flow was nice, meta's were sick as shit, stayed solid, didn't fall off on any line, thats a big plus, overall everything just went together really well, was a good topic to write on also, great piece really, 9/10 = my highest om rating yet, return the favor

this was dope man...finally a piece that has some kind of depth to it...i loved the imagery on this...and your comparisons that you stitched in there...also..your syllable count, as well as flow and everything that goes with..was really nice..you said what exactly what you wanted to say..without sacraficing anything for it...this was real good...

if you have time..return the feedback...on either..."leavin me" or "before eden" or both if you'd like...thanks

2 fingers 1 love

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Time is not long, and indecision is hells cemment. So the well is rented, untill heaven is relevant. Untill then, to be eloquent, sex cells, so le'ts cellibate.

"watch what you watchin...fox keeps feedin' us toxin's..stop sleepin' start thinkin outside of the box and unplug from the matrix doctrine....but watch what you say cause big brother is watchin" - nas - sly fox

The I.H.C.J.S.F.M.T.R.H.P.M.M.W.T.S.M.S.I.T.F.F.W.A.S. O Crew

appreciate the feed



1

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i'll play on ya consience, ya contents is complete nonsense
speak of biting, then you fucks flip everyone of my damn concepts
what the fuck, was you high..?
did you think i wouldn't recognize lines that i made
then you come up some bullshit tryna prove that im gay...!
.
.
fake fucks..move on...!

Why can't a short(er) piece be nominated?


appreciate the feed


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