im new to the game
with no name
to remain
the same
champion i train
the gods i slain
to clame
satin seed
to bleed
the hatred i heed
the blood i need
to drink like dracula
i cast ya
to the deps of hell
like rome /my kingdom fell
like scorpion i melt your shell
fatal fatality babyality animality
your death is a dragity so sad to see
i laugh continuasly almost amediatly
i leave your lips flappin
you commin against me is like a pimp tryin to pull a nun an't nuttin happinin

yo man please stop postin this shit.. its nothin..
damnnnnnnn wack...

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.::BattleZ::.

You need longer bars.
A bar is two lines.

At the moment you dont have much flow. this is because your bars are short.
try this.......

sup ma fuckers you know im new to the game
Im the type that could become famous with no name
I was put here simply and perfectly to remain
age increase's but im still gone be the same
call me a teacher and witness the champion's i train
Im a versitile devil, no fear of the gods i slain
Im here ready to agnite this,im rightous to claim
By pops musta been crazy ,cause he planted satin's seed
Im so vicous if you take my head off it will take days to bleed
Im still stnading string even with the hatred i heed
I aint a crip,so reconize the blood i need
You will have to be dope for me to drink like dracula
if you hate,then to the deeps of hell i cast ya ...........

you feel me?
you sorta gotta stretch your lines to make more sense, otherwise the reader wont get a mental picture.
This isnt too bad, just need to work on your flow. have some stronger lyrics, and use more extensive vocab.

keep dropping real shit man.

*edit*

dont listen to the hater above me, he is talentless so he cant teach you a thing.

yeah.. im talentless.. sure thing...

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.::BattleZ::.

I have o clue who you are, and dont really care..
but your feedbacl is worthless, in my view it is a reflection of you.

why come into a new members open mic and hate? why? do you have an answer or are you just worthless?

hes posted 3 wack verses in open mics already.. why doesnt he read the tuttorials or sumthing?

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.::BattleZ::.

cuz i don't wanna be as wack yo ass you so fat you should drink a battle of slim fast and still slim slow nigga you gay go back to your dildo

i agree with @. on this.....he basically said everythin i had in mind, DAMN HIM! lol but stay real don't say you be killin people when you don't or say you have guns and you don't.....taht'as some fake shit....i hate that in rap
leep it real peace

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Soundclick