this is my first actual poem i have written please give me feedback on whut i can do better....i have more coming soon....


DEEDS FOR THE DEVIL

Every morning i awake and stare at the cealing
nobody really knows whut its like going day by day gettin teased for shit not even of yur own doing

They all say im diffrent becuas my moms' white and my dads' black
they say im not even a race, but i look the other way and turn my back

No words can explain the torture of waking up every morning dreading whut will happen today
yea, today is diffrent, i wake up ready to do whut i need to do to put all this torture away

The complexity of the thoughts running through my head is like a cloud of anger thats been built up inside
now unleashing as bullets into chests, arms, legs, heads, and thighs

As im taking out my HELLIOUS revenge, i realize im feeling no pitty for all this bloodshed from my DEVIL-LIKE rath
but wait, was this really worth it? as now red and blue lights start to fash...

...Lighting up the blood oozing down the walls.., i drop the shotgun that i had took from my dads closet
the gun wasnt even the weopon used in my horrific crime, it was my brain all hopped up on the worthless chronic

But i run as hard, fast and as quikly as i can
GOD DAMN!, im only 15, i never thought i would kill somone but look whut ive done with these two possessed hands

Well i really screwed up my life now...
here i sit all alone in this correctionally facilitiy in a padded room with nobody to hear the story i tell

GREAT....FUCK!...i really had it going for me too...4.0...could've got into any college i wanted to
all i had to do was wake up every morning and stare at the blood on the cealing and wall from that one EVIL day i killed my parents in my room

they were the ones that are guilty here...they are the ones who CONDEMED me to this life in HELL
i guess it dont matter tho cause now im doing DEEDS FOR THE DEVIL.....

__________________
THE A.K. MC.............

The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven.

feedback pleas.......

__________________
THE A.K. MC.............

The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven.

yo man.. alright.. this can get so much better.. you had a good topic.. you just need to summerize your ideas.. and pull it alll together man. Oh yeah, also, put all of your lines together.. not spaced out.. and dont stretch lines.. you have potential

__________________

OptimisticallyGenius

thanks...how cam

__________________
THE A.K. MC.............

The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven.

thanks...how can it get better tho..?

__________________
THE A.K. MC.............

The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven.

uppin.........................

__________________
THE A.K. MC.............

The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven.

uppin.............

__________________
THE A.K. MC.............

The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven.

uppin this shit.............................................. .................................................. ...

__________________
THE A.K. MC.............

The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven.