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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
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04-26-05, 04:07 PM
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#1
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I walk & walk over you
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Bad dream awake
IP:
Bad Dreams Awake
Laying comfortable under my blanket, on the mattress In a tight sleep, motionless, sleeping under the darkness I can feel the cold air, that’s swerving around my face So for a minute I pace, then my mind went into space ----------------------------------------------------------------------- I awoke, but strangely I’m not sleepy, still my eyes are sore I tilt my head as I heard the door, I got up, my feet touch the floor Stood guarded, wanted to know who has trespass in my room My nose twitch as I smelled the perfume that abloom, In my tomb Knowing it’s a she, the she shadow, moved closer to me, I jerked I tried to shirk away from her, but she got my arms and begin to work I couldn’t stop myself, the passion, the envy of her wet lips Putted my hand on her rib. She took off my shirt, we both strip Her tits on my tits, Lips on my lips, we breathe as we moan I’m making love with this unknown, every time I thrush she groan As we catch our breath, Like a sunset that’s going down, we sleep. I woke up, knowing it was a dream, but then I saw thee In my bed laying on her stomach, breathing easily, on the cushion Shocked to see, that I know this girl, a dream that turn reality I slept with my own………………………………........... .......Cousin PARENTAL ADVISE!
__________________
.:* Crhyme Sindicate* :.
Last edited by MiSta_AuTh3nTiQ : 04-26-05 at 04:41 PM. |
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04-26-05, 04:21 PM
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#2
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Flyweight
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IP:
More like a poem..
good ma keep hustling |
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04-26-05, 04:23 PM
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#3
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I walk & walk over you
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IP:
^^ Well its not, anyway i'm not a ma............Lol..................
__________________
.:* Crhyme Sindicate* :.
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04-26-05, 04:30 PM
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#4
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Skadoosh!
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IP:
holy shit
slept with ya own cousin nice shit though playa..............gud feeling in it and ya descriptive writing delivered a gud image of what ya tryin to put across....................the flow was nice and shit and the ending..........DAMN!! i never saw that comin!!!!! 8/10
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04-26-05, 05:00 PM
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#5
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I walk & walk over you
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IP:
__________________
.:* Crhyme Sindicate* :.
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04-26-05, 06:06 PM
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#6
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I walk & walk over you
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IP:
.................................................. ..........
__________________
.:* Crhyme Sindicate* :.
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04-26-05, 06:25 PM
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#7
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The Paragraph President
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IP:
im feeling this nice stucture good flow but i wasnt seeing to much vocab or multis i wish i could see some more of them. imagery was good and that first little verse there i flowed with it to cream by wu tang clan shit was all dope. wprd. 1
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04-26-05, 06:27 PM
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#8
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I walk & walk over you
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IP:
Coo coo uppin............................................. .............................
__________________
.:* Crhyme Sindicate* :.
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04-26-05, 08:21 PM
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#9
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Banned: Biting
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IP:
Aww The Dopeness lives On Doesnt It?
Im Lovin This man You Always Do YaThang Its REally Original Really creative im Feelin The Plot of this so basically you did yaq thang And Goodluck In The future 9.5/10  |
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04-26-05, 08:35 PM
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#10
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I walk & walk over you
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IP:
^^ word and vote for me..................Lol........................... ..uppin.................
__________________
.:* Crhyme Sindicate* :.
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04-26-05, 09:46 PM
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#11
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A Reflection Of The Past
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IP:
very nice family,.....
the vocab was average, the emotion was okay in some parts and great in others,what i really loved in this that also saved your piece was the imagery.....the imagery was nice,nice opener things to work on. work on some of the spelling and puncuation other than that very nice job man keep at it
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Crhyme Sindicate
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04-26-05, 09:52 PM
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#12
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I walk & walk over you
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IP:
^^ Aiiiiiiiiight..................................Upp in.............
__________________
.:* Crhyme Sindicate* :.
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04-26-05, 11:19 PM
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#13
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in your system
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IP:
meh, okay piece here....didn't like the ending, quite frankly i didn't think it fit the piece very well, kinda took away from the seriousness of it.....anyways, i think some sentances were a little choppy, takin to much breaks, but other than that, real good imagery, nice descriptive sentances, good vocab....it was a decent piece.....keep up
/definately not best open mic of april material 
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this world is a drug, and everyone's selfish FLY FREE |
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04-27-05, 12:05 AM
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#14
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I walk & walk over you
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IP:
.................................................. .....
__________________
.:* Crhyme Sindicate* :.
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