__________________

i can c some elevtion in ur vocab DQ...and u usd vocab effectively..structure was concise...imagery was there, kinda predictable images in places, u defo created a good picture of summer and the emotions that come along wih it.poem was littered wid metas but lacked similies..adding the background pic was a nice touch,,,keep em comin gal..

(oh P.S - ur fine as helllllll, Lmao)

__________________

^Lolz, originally this was for a battle in which we didn't use a sentence or word as topic but a picture. So the poem was purely based on the picture

Thanks for feed btw! I'ma return the favor right away...

__________________

very good stuff ma
keep it up

that was some really nice work right there.....a better vocab than me i can say lol....i like how you added the picture, you described everything perfectly....i enjoyed reading this....keep it comin i wanna hear some more from ya....if you can return the favor on my poem called "Heaven"
thanx

__________________
Soundclick

coo coo....short, yet powerful, nice vocab, great imagery...always seem to find a way to come out with great looking poems........keep up DQ, /could you check out mine, its near the top somwhere

__________________

__________________
mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*

Thank you, feed is much appreciated

__________________

lol, i've seen you say that in several replies. Do you mean imagery?

Anyways, this was pretty good Drama Queen. The imagery was definitely
the strong point of the piece as is typical of most of the stuff you see
based on pictures. Still though you did a nice, eloquent job of conveying
it to a tee in regards to the visual reference, more so in the first third of
the poem. Though I have to say in all honesty I was left a tad confused
after my reading concluded. This was derived from the latter half of the
poem where she was over taken by the darkness. Now why exactly is
she so terrified of the darkness? I'm not quite sure understand the motives
behind her fear and feelings of helplessness. Are you refering to it as a
metaphor for pain, bad times, fear, struggle, etc...? And the light/ summer
day as happiness and hope? If you're using it in that regards i get where
you're coming from. However in that case I would have liked to have seen
perhaps a bit more depth or insight into what this darkness represented.
Did she have a troubled past? Was she plagued by some relentless pain?
And how did she overcome it only to be swept up in it again? Those are
just some of the things i woulkd have liked to have seen you touch on.
Anyways, from a technical standpoint this was soild. You had good syntax
and diction through out and it was easy to interpret your lines. Nice job
with that. Although i hate to see such good writers bound by simple AABB
rhyme schemes. I feel you could have only made it better by utilizing a bit
more complicated structure or perhaps gone free verse with it. Regardless,
props and i hope to see more from you.

-peace

__________________
6 Feet

^Feed is much appreciated, I know what to work on now. Thank you for the thoroughly explained feedback, I understand what you are saying.

__________________

this was a good piece

now i see why your one of the best poetry heads on the site
but i could feel ya imagery and certain words stuck to me
which a poem should...all about haveing the reader
feel what your typing and you did that mama

good job

__________________

^Thanks man, it's much appreciated!

__________________