so im walkin down the street with my boys at my side/
and some crazy cats with gats pull up in a ride/
they said hand ova ya jewels, ya watch, and ya money/
i started laffin, he said aint nothin funny/
i replied, wide eyed, i said please dont shoot/
he said shutup before i stomp you wit my boot/
once again i snickered, my boys laffed too/
i said listen my man, id put down the gun if i was you/
he said fuck you man, you aint packin, i know/
i said ya thats true, but what a bout the five- o/
he said fuck the po po, i shoot em for fun/
jus then he heard a shout, put down that gun/
he turned around in shock/
i said i warned ya bout the cops/
now spread ya legs and put ya hand in the air/
dont drop the soap, and remember life aint fair/
he said youll get yours when i get out the cell/
i said maybe you will, and maybe theirs ice in hell/
he said ya you jokin now, but when i get out ya done/
i said what ya gonna do, they took away ya gun/
as they put him in the cruiser he continued to shout/
the officer said dont worry son he aint gettin out/
i know officer thats why im not concerned/
[whisper] plus the money he was stealin wasnt really earned/
what you say? i said hes done wit crime, lesson learned/
he said call us if you need us son, the numbas 911/
i said ya whateva pig, heres a donut yum yum/
what you say? i said of course officer, ill dial 911/
prank call of course, ill do it for some fun/
what you say? is said i think i see a crime across the street/
theirs two pigs in the donut shop, wit nothin to eat/
he said son thats it, im haulin you downtown/
i said please dont sir, i didnt mean to clown/
ill jus walk away wit my boys nd stay outa trouble/
c'mon man, lets go turn some old mans house to rubble/
hey kid, i heard that, thats ya 2nd offense/
i said i apologize officer, thats not what i meant/
ok boy, then be on ya way/
i flippped him off and said goodbye, have nice day/
thats strike three, son ya comin wit me/
i started sprayin my gat, and said come git me/

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Hahahaha, this was jokes man, good stuff, return the favour on my "help me lord" OM

thanks for tha props man, uppin for more feed, and dont take this too seriously people its jus a joke thing haha

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good story tellin....u got some talent but what will really make u good is if you use more complex words dawg....ur rhymin "boot" with "shoot"........now if u want ta really sound good try ur best ta use as much complex multi's that rhyme as much as possible.......for example " im gettin so well known that i cant become hesitant ta become president even if i cant rap without the press in it" i just made sumthin up ta show ya what i meant...now that's better than sayin " i use rap ta get through all this crap"...otherwise this open mic probally would be a lower score but since u were really good at story tellin that shit helped ya a little...so i'll give this shit a 6/10....try not ta be as basic next time...peez

it was good but way to simple need to elevate for real but good story telling doe got your point across

that was kinda funny still..good story telling skills...

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DAYUM!!.....................DAMN!!................ .........did I say damn?








im just that gangsta...

thanks for the feed peeps. it wasnt meant to be complx i was usin slick rick as an inspiration and yall know how simple his rhymes is... peaCe.1

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lol..Slick Rick aint that good of an inspiration..no offense but in my opinion he's too wack that why u can only hear him through old school...

hey yo, good shit i really like how u used slick rick, thats some good story tellin as everyone else said but u could elavate and make it much better rookie u know better than to use simple vocab....keep rappin u gunna get better......this shit is hotter than the sun in the summer time.....lol j/p nice shit mayne keep writen

Drop a link so you can get more feed on this or this will be closed

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Dis OM piece gave me pure jokes just now. I like da story. It was kinda simple but i guess dat was so that we followed the story instead of focusin too much on anything else.

Yo gimme some feedback on some of my shit:

"Message 2 U Weak Niggaz"

"Bad Trip Dream"

ayyo...its da knyte...waddup kid...havent talk to u in a minute...nice shit...funny...it made me giggle...lol.....b-lib out

peep this for me(http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=193155) please

That's strange. I said the title in my head, as when I saw it first it cut off. I knew it'd be something like 'they don't know' at the end...don't be so predictable, dog.

uppin for some more feed kid.. one.love to those who feelin this .. peaCe1

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