RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 06-24-05, 08:40 PM   #1
WhoAmI
WhoAreYou?
 
Posts: 6,178
Lesson in Life (Read This For Real!!!)

IP:

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=139298

Niggas in the ends be goin raw without a second thought,
Carryin on stupid, til they find they asses back in court,
Lookin dumbfounded, like they don't know what they done,
No remorse, they just be thinkin "why didn't i run?"
Fell for the bait, like a fish intrigued about the hook,
Next nigga, same story, just read from a different book,
Another one down for shit on a real petty level,
Think they rebels, just because they dancin with the devil,
3 months gone, they out again, back to the next chapter,
Couldn't leave that shit alone, the nigga jus had tah,
Go and raise the strap to that youth and pull the trigger,
Now the police be smilin think "Yes...another nigga"
N it's a daymn shame cos it's simple n plain,
Yo ass was goin down the second that other kid got slain,
Instead of sittin down, as opposed to fuckin around in school,
You thought you knew it all, the big man with his tool,
Look where you are now, a decade at a HMP, (her majesty's prison-UK's pen)
If you'd gone the other way, who know's where you would be
Maybe at college, still at school, or in a job,
Gainin more knowledge, but instead you chose to rob,
Jackin niggas when they on the same struggle as you,
But they lookin for J.O.B.s to see their way through,
What are you doin? oh dats right...killin cats n screwin,
You need to take a step back and you need to start reviewin,
Workin out how to turn your life around and quickly,
So all the bullshit in your life don't come at you so thickly,
End of the day, you don't have to listen to what i say,
Either way all dis will make sense to you one day....
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-25-05, 05:03 AM   #2
WhoAmI
WhoAreYou?
 
Posts: 6,178
IP:

uppin............................................. ..........
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-25-05, 06:21 PM   #3
WhoAmI
WhoAreYou?
 
Posts: 6,178
IP:

uppin this shit.......................................
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-05, 08:37 AM   #4
WhoAmI
WhoAreYou?
 
Posts: 6,178
IP:

.......................................uppin this people..hit me wid some feedback...................................
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-05, 01:49 PM   #5
Crazy Hades
Just searching.
 
Posts: 6,015
IP:

First two lines didn't rhyme, bro. The vocabulary was pretty elementary. To me some lines seemed forced...the topic is pretty unoriginal. The writing is mediocre and the rhymes predictable. Nothing really caught my eye...

7/10
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-05, 02:41 PM   #6
Paranoid
The Paragraph President
 
Paranoid's Avatar
 
Posts: 3,248
From: Sask, Canada
IP:

hmm your stucture is pretty good the flow could use work and complexity could use a lot of work, you need to learn how to up your vocabulary and metaphors make it creative for thoughs who read learn. which you did not help me learn anything but nigga right off the bat. overall i think this peice could use mad work anyway peace.

rtf if possible
__________________
I don't jack beats; I borrow them.



My Myspace
My Soundclick
Send a message via AIM to Paranoid Send a message via MSN to Paranoid   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-05, 02:13 AM   #7
WhoAmI
WhoAreYou?
 
Posts: 6,178
IP:

ok thanx for that people. appreciated. yo Paranoid ima RTF as soon as possible.
uppin....................
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:12 PM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.