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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
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07-22-05, 08:54 AM
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#1
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NO SURRENDER
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Fight Night
IP:
..The time has finally come with one adrenaline rush..
..Weeks of gruelling training, all for this final push.. ..If i win i will finally gain some deserved respect.. ..And can feed my family from the resulting paycheck.. ..4 hours prior, the tension is rising, emotions are flying.. ..This isnt sport, fuck pity the loser can end up dying.. ..8 months training for this one fight to get the win.. ..Suspense imminent, the nervous flood of thoughts begin.. ..What if i lose, my children must fend for themselves.. ..I cant help them out, just look down from higher realms.. ..Crowds distant chants indicate the next bout is mine.. ..Pray one last time and hope everything works out fine.. ..I enter the ring and look my opponent up and down.. ..It must be the adrenaline, his arms seem to have grown.. ..His presence is monsterous, what chance have i got.. ..I can hit him, he hits me, who you think will drop.. ..My morale is lowered i am noway stable to fight.. ..My family cheer me on, i wont dissapoint them tonight.. ..I choose to fight, possibly the last decision i will make.. ..This should never happen, never put my family at stake.. ..This isnt about power, its deeper, the ultimate test.. ..With one final praer i tie my gloves and hope for the best..
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07-22-05, 09:02 AM
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#2
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NO SURRENDER
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IP:
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07-22-05, 09:54 AM
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#3
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Flyweight
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IP:
nice imagery, i like how the story is portrayed. vocabulary seemed a little bland. thats the only thing i think you have to elevate on, your emotion is good. keep it up..
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lmao @ me..
..being better than you. current battles
damn. kids really don't get anything these days.
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07-22-05, 11:45 AM
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#4
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IP:
This was a pretty good drop...nice job daubs..imaggery was very good..and wordplay and vocab were pretty simple but it was an overall good peice..
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The Competition
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07-22-05, 01:19 PM
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#5
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+...Femin-iLL...+
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IP:
solid..solid.....good vocab..yu dont wanna get too flashy with it..on this type of topic..since yu didnt get into detail with the fighting......yu good with story telling, mayne
..With one final praer i tie my gloves and hope for the best.. ^yu gonna write a sequel?....or can i write it?..... str8 job fam....i enjoyed reading this...
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..:: Artik In The Phlesh::.. .Re-Writing The Re-Run.  |
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07-22-05, 01:20 PM
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#6
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NO SURRENDER
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IP:
You can write one ma...............
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07-22-05, 04:56 PM
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#7
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NO SURRENDER
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IP:
Thanks for feed, up.........................
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07-22-05, 04:58 PM
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#8
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Above Originality
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IP:
ayo man it was a hot drop homie was ill wordplay structure mayne everythng mayne was good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!RTF on my shit homie my links are on the bottom of my sig?!peace
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Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future |
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07-29-05, 05:36 PM
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#9
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NO SURRENDER
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IP:
Returned...........
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07-29-05, 06:12 PM
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#11
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Cuz I'm Old Skool Baby
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IP:
yeah daubs good stuff, do u box? imagery and emotion were the strongest aspects of this piece, n i like the way the endings a cliff hanger, i think this is the first OM i've read from u!
 RTF on either thnx
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This is my sig. what? I'm white so u KNOW i can't rap =) I will definitely RTF if u leave a link, thanks! |
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07-29-05, 06:15 PM
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#12
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NO SURRENDER
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IP:
I will do, and yeah i do...amatuer.
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07-29-05, 06:23 PM
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#13
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-Not On My Level-
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IP:
hey yo this was nice....good imagery and vocab...i really enjoyed reading this one....9/10....RTF to the links in my sig Daubs........
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07-29-05, 07:49 PM
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#14
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QU3 M! D3$T!NO 3$ M! UN!CO 3N3M!GO
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IP:
It was a good short drop...intertaining, good, multies nice imageries i would give this piece a 8/10...
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07-30-05, 01:48 AM
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#15
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New to RV
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IP:
This started off pretty hurt-sack. The first verse gave me the impression this would be wack as shit, but you did a great job pulling it together.
-Excellent structure and syllable count in the piece, really made it flow smooth. -More multies and internals would have been plenty beneficial. -Great use of emotion, decent imagery. -Great finishing line, closed off the piece beautifully. -Fix up the first couple bars and this will help the piece along greatly Word. http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=202243
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My Consent?  Living Legends.
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