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08-11-05, 06:16 AM | #1 |
The Darkness
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Last Words
IP:
Link Number One Link Number Two My Grandpa Chased Monsters Away, Around Him I Was Brave I Stayed With Em Till His Dying Moment, He Never Got A Grave He Told Us Stories, He Was The One Who Made Us Laugh In Joy My Father Was Never There My Grandpa Raised Me As A Boy If I Had A Choice I Wouldn't Bring Em Back, I Know He's Better Never Had A Chance To Express Myself So I Wrote This Letter I've Never Imagined Him Gone, Thought This Was Just A Dream He'd Always Tell Me This Day Would Come He'd Put Trust In Me I Look Back At The Good Time's When We Use To Sit And Talk He Was On An Oxygen Tank But I Still Snuck Him Cig's An Walked Then I Stopped And I Felt I Wasn't Being Obedient To Him See After That Every Night He'd Have To Be Rushed To Emergency It's Hurting Me Cause I Know I Was Part Of The Reason In Fact I Never Meant To I Was Young Never Knew The Reason Of That I Remember He Took Me To Work With Him In The Water Trucks Bought Me Close Bought Me Food Everything A Real Father Was Then We'd Stop At The Bay And Watch The Fish Swim Down Now Everything's Not In It's Place Since He Hasn't Bin Around Built A Shed Together, I Still Miss It When I Think Behind Time Only Crying Memories Of Us, Way Behind That My Mind Hides We'd Sit On The Porch And Talk, He'd Read Us The Bible Stories And When He'd Get Some Cigarette's He'd Say Hide Em For Me First Day Up Here, It Was My Grandpa Who Took Me To School And His Dinners We're Untouchable, When He'd Cook Us Food I'd Never Knew Another Man To Look Up To He's Was The One After He Died I Couldn't Go On, Never Make It Like I Was Done Under The Circumstances I'd Never Take It That He'd Leave Us But I Know Right Now He's Looking Down At Us Next To Jesus He Built Our Old House, And He Was The One That You'd Love I Still Feel Guilty Cause A Several Time I Gave Him Rude Mugs It Was Late But I'd Stay Up At Night Just To Know He's There When He'd Flick His Zippo Lighter, And The Smell Rose The Air They Cherry Of His Cigarette Lit Up In The Dark I'd Know It Cause As Soon As That Lighter Flicked The Smell You'd Notice He Was The One To Watch Over Us Make Sure We're Safe An He Was Always Finishing Task, So There Was No Time Waiting My Hearts Pasting Just Thinking Of How I Miss Em So Much Just Thinking If I'd Wake Up From This Nightmare But No Luck That Night He Had That Talk With My Grandma I Realized It My Grandma Wanted To Break Down In Tears But Had To Hide It My Eye's Wide Lit And I'm Thinking But I Can't Understand It I Knew I Had To Find Out, And That I Was Capable To Manage My Grandfather Had Cancer And I Prayed It Would Cure Soon Then They Came Out And Told Us I Remember The Pure Moon And I Cried Until Nothing Came Out, But I Kept On Crying And Hoping My Grandfather Would Make It Out Of This Dying Man Same Night He Was Rushed To The Hospital This Time He Stayed He Was On A Respirator As We All Watched As His Time Fade We Could See It In His Skin Tone, The Pail Ness Over Came Trying To Figure Out What's Wrong, Can't Get Over My Pain We Left Thinking He'd Be Back Soon, Next Day Back To School Hid My Jacked School We Didn't Go But My Cus Ash Went To I Hid My Jacket To Stay Home To See Him, He'd Just Lay There Life's Hard To Get By Sometime, Even God Himself Aint Fair That's The Day My Grandma Pulled The Plug We Cried Tears My And My Younger Cousin Was The Last One Out Nine Years That's The Time My Cousin Had To Know Em We Watched Him While Every One Left, And They Pulled It We Didn't Stop Them As My Tears Fell I Watched The Lines Blink And It Went Straight It Wasn't His Time I Felt It Was A Mistake, Maybe A Bent Fate He Died On Thanksgiving Day I Didn't Feel Like Eating Nothing But My Uncle Rick Came Over And Said Go And Eat Something I Was The Closest To Em' So I Knew I'd Be The Man Of The House In Those Thirteen Years I Had No Clue Or Plan To Help Us Out I Know Not To Underestimate Things, And It Happened Like That Don't Take Things For Granted Now Cause It'll Come And Fight Back I've Learned A Few Things Since Then, But I Still Give Out Attitude Not All The Time Just When My Mind Forces My Mouth In A Bad Mood And My Grandpa And Grandma Was The Only One Here For Me But Since My Grandpa's Gone Who's Going To Tell Me There Stories? |
08-11-05, 06:20 AM | #2 | |
Above Originality
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IP:
man the fillin!!!!!!!!!!!OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHWWWWWWEEEEEEEE EEE man real the emotion whoo!!!!to me man in battles and OM's i look for the emotion if there is no emotion then why rap man real........the vocab was good and structure and metaz and vision whoo!!!!!!!!!!!man ill
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Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future |
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08-11-05, 06:25 AM | #3 |
The Darkness
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IP:
Thanks Man I Really Appreaciate It
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08-11-05, 06:33 AM | #4 | ||
NO SURRENDER
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IP:
Nice drop, packed with emotion desent structure flowed well , i didnt read it all but from wht i read i was feelin.
good shit man.
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08-11-05, 06:35 AM | #5 | |
Above Originality
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IP:
ayo duabs man when u gon RTF on my OM man heres the link homie drop a feed.........
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=203428
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Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future |
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08-11-05, 06:41 AM | #6 |
The Darkness
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IP:
Thanks Daubs Man Appreciate It Yo Thanks
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08-11-05, 08:00 PM | #7 |
The Darkness
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IP:
No Feed Damn Man Come On
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08-11-05, 09:22 PM | #8 | ||
The Paragraph President
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IP:
damn man very good imgery, but somin you need to work on is emotion, flow could be better stucture is very good, the vocabulary was decent but i'd like to see you get more poetic but in this case in the topic and the story you have i dont think it'd work out, it'd wreck your story probably but overall im feelin this very good om man, keep it up man this one is fuckin long as hell too.
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08-12-05, 12:33 AM | #9 | ||
Witness, 4 God, 4-Ever
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IP:
man this was stock full of emotion, imagery was great also, very emotional story, flow and structure were good which made it even better, it was long but stayed on focus and didn't hinder it any, very good read man, keep it up man
please RTF on one of my om's, links are in sig, again great job, keep em coming
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i come from a time when you earned respect, for your rhyme and the way you made words connect, not the money that you made or the girls you sexed, a concept you obviously haven't heard of yet Mars Ill
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08-12-05, 05:08 AM | #10 | |
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IP:
yeah man very emotional. most songs that people dedicated to someone who pass arent very good lyrically but you touched both sides. you had a nice flow. it was better than i expect from you. dont take that the wrong way. even though it is kinda messed up. overall you did a good job. probly the first OM that i could relate to. good work.
and since youre a nice guy "RTF" in my battle with young montana |
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08-12-05, 01:14 PM | #11 | |
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IP:
cot damn this was long as hell, break it up next time so its easier to read lol. but this was real good. i could really see what was goin on. you had a straight flow and structure was on oint obviously. maybe put some metaphors in there to make it more interesting. but it seemed pretty thoughtful. i give it an 8.5/10
holla at me and RTF...links in the sig
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Open Mic's Lick Shots=Hitchcock feat Paul Cain and The Sick One Opposite of Cold= The Cartel Dear Others=Hitchcock Kill That Static=Hitchcock |
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08-12-05, 02:23 PM | #12 | ||
Banned: Cheating
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IP:
story was full of emotion.......sick imagery...exellent structure which made it flow good.......good multis up on vocab a bit.....ur doin fine keep postin and shit....rtf
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08-12-05, 05:39 PM | #13 | ||
Champion
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IP:
structure on point, metaz, flow, vocab, emotion this had everything...cant think anything you missed out...this was really good..9/10 IMO..I was really feelin this......
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www.soundclick.com/dollaback
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08-16-05, 10:54 PM | #14 |
The Darkness
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IP:
Will Do Thanks Man Weeerd
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08-16-05, 11:04 PM | #15 | ||
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IP:
Nice Peice Man Love The Emotion But You Need To Work On Flow A Lil Try To Use More Multis (But Dont Force Them) They Really Help Your Flow Out Alot, And People Talkin Bout Uppin Your Vocab I Just Say Fuck That i Write The Way i Talk If You usally Use Big Words The Ya Use Them In Your Rhyme But If You Dont Youll Just Force Somthin That You Really Dont Even Kno What It Means I Did That A Couple Of Times
And Could You please Return The Favor In Real Life Link On The Top Of My Sig Thanks Alot
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