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Rainy Days |
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08-16-05, 09:06 AM
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#1
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Odi et Amo
Posts: 3,675
From: Alosta City
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Rainy Days
IP:
Rainy Days
Alarm clock repeats its sound while I stay wrapped in silk sheets
When suddenly my heart starts to skip beats as I view the streets
Sapphire eyes perceive a satiric sky questioning the reasons why
Clustering clouds continue to close in when it's the seventh of July
Harsh, brutal weather cutting deep in my core as I close the door
Are we in a nuclear war or is there simply no summer anymore?
Cruel cold sending shivers down my spine as little children whine
Apparently the Divine chose to redefine our earth and turn it malign
Due to a dim disgrace I fail my attempt to fasten my peculiar pace
A crazed craving for soft embrace, leaving behind a crimson trace
Pretending not to hear the whimpering whispers of a whirling wind
As it utters weak cries:"You have sinned, no more time to rescind"
‘Till suddenly the sky above turns pitch-black as a raven’s feathers
Casting chaos, people flock together in midst of sinister weathers
Rain streaming down on the grimy, filthy ground…no light around
“Who sinned shall be drowned!!!”, seeking calm in lost and found
A raw rupture rapidly appears, confirming infinite ferocious fears
After 7 years, she returns to my hurt world, shedding final tears
It’s karma: my selfish action now transforms into world’s danger
She seems like a stranger but the past...no way to change her
As I vision her devilish smile, I realize this here is a delayed trial
Why lock yourself in denial: doesn’t she deserve to be hostile?
Still reminisce of that rusty old knife I used to end her new life
Was it jealousy? Insecurity? Never a mother, always pretty wife
Couldn’t I easily foresee this fatal fate? But it’s too late to debate
All we have left to do is wait till she crushes us, releasing a hate
View at my unborn child’s rageful eyes, caught up in dire straits
As I drop to my knees she continues to cry from heaven’s gates
…One of those rainy days…
Left feedback to:
Misunderstood by The Messenger
Minds of Darkness by Mad Knight
__________________
Authentik Intelligence
...The future is mine...
Last edited by Drama Queen : 08-16-05 at 10:02 AM.
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08-16-05, 09:46 AM
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#2
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Middle Weight
Posts: 514
From: Washington, DC
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IP:
diz was a nice piece here ma i like ur concept, vocab was on point, structure was up 2 par, & basically in diz 1 here i felt were u r coming from & had plenty of dayz were i felt tha same way creativity, & originality is wut i like bout ur pieces d.q but overall diz is good work keep writing 9.5/10
__________________
Choose words carefully when you address me
You ain't gotta like me, but you're gonna respect me
(Or else) or else you get wet like a jigsknee
Take ten of these and live, that'll impress me
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08-16-05, 10:32 AM
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#3
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Middle Weight
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IP:
dang girl you got a touch of Edgar allen Poe on this one for real digging this whole thing right here
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08-17-05, 04:58 AM
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#5
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Odi et Amo
Posts: 3,675
From: Alosta City
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IP:
Upping this...I'll return the favor...as usual...
Left feedback to:
RV 2005 by Payn
__________________
Authentik Intelligence
...The future is mine...
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08-17-05, 05:04 AM
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#6
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Above Originality
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IP:
ayo girl its dope WERD yo its str8 ill........................nice oiece and emotion girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!hope you holla at my OM's called one love and are ya feelin me?! peace
__________________
Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future
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08-17-05, 11:30 AM
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#7
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Odi et Amo
Posts: 3,675
From: Alosta City
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IP:
__________________
Authentik Intelligence
...The future is mine...
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08-17-05, 02:55 PM
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#8
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©
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IP:
Fuck me hun a nicceeeeee dope......structure was good and concept was very nice....vocab was ok!!!!!
8/10
Can u check out my new OM, The Ones You LOve The Most Die First and rtf  |
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08-17-05, 03:01 PM
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#9
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-Not On My Level-
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IP:
damn....shit was dope....imagery was good...vocab was good...flow was on point...all in all this was a good piece...9.5/10....good job.....RTF in sig......
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08-18-05, 01:36 PM
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#10
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Odi et Amo
Posts: 3,675
From: Alosta City
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IP:
Thanks for the feed, I returned the honest favors...
__________________
Authentik Intelligence
...The future is mine...
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08-18-05, 01:38 PM
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#11
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Nt Your Average
Posts: 3,624
From: On Road !!!
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IP:
Dopeness In Every Sylable!!!!!!!!!!!!nice Imagery Nice Emotion Good Vocab Man Good Evrything Good Work Keep Up 8.5/10
__________________
OYD MAFIA
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08-18-05, 02:08 PM
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#12
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...Closer Look...
Posts: 2,015
From: My crib
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IP:
thy've said it all...this piece was tight DQ..be it the vocab,structure,flow,concept..all was dope...nice.keep it up...
return honest feedbak to mine(sig)
__________________
Hit This Up And I'll Hit Your's Too
Yvonne-Early In The Morning
S.K.M
Quote:
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Originally Posted by B. Magik
Yvonne is dope
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Terumoto
Word. I respect christians like you.
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Now That's Wassup!
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08-18-05, 02:48 PM
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#13
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Odi et Amo
Posts: 3,675
From: Alosta City
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IP:
^Feedback returned...
__________________
Authentik Intelligence
...The future is mine...
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08-19-05, 02:55 AM
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#14
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Odi et Amo
Posts: 3,675
From: Alosta City
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IP:
__________________
Authentik Intelligence
...The future is mine...
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08-19-05, 05:39 PM
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#15
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Black Poet
Posts: 1,474
From: London
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IP:
DQ still dropin heat, the thing I like about your writing is that u can use
loads of different styles and its still dope...
Everything was on point, vocab, flow, emotions everything was dope...
I was feeling this, stay up ma and keep writing, they are starting a topical
torny on RF if you interested it needs some real talent..
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