|
|
|
|
| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
|
|
08-31-05, 06:20 PM
|
#1
|
|
|
Just searching.
|
The Nice Guy Rhapsody
IP:
What's the word? Disingeneous? I'm an every day kind of guy,
the problem with an eye for an eye, is that it leaves us all blind. ~ Will you deliver, like the Postal Service, through harsh weather? Would your legs be less sluggish if the sun could shine better? When will you admit it, it's a thing called honesty and you kid it. Who are you? The trash leaving as the garbage man got rid of it? The galaxy spins around the universe, and a solar system around it. Love? Emotions? I shut down my alarms, so they hadn't sounded. Truth? I bound and gag it. Don't the planets revolve in that system? You have no crossroads without an engine, so sit down and listen... love is a piston that holds your soul together as the planets spin. Hey, could you believe in a religion that claims your choices is a sin? And through these revolutions, lays the confusion turning your head, can you remember those wise words your mother had once said? When you were tucked into bed, had she muttered about manners? What you have in this world are either the passive or the planners, the ones who go with the flow...and do things according to a date. No one but you is to blame...because laziness is not one of your traits. Will you deliver, like the Postal Service, through harsh weather? Would your legs be less sluggish if the sun could shine better? When will you admit it, it's a thing called honesty and you kid it. Who are you? The trash leaving as the garbage man got rid of it? ...Nice guys always finish last and we have a thing called aggression, it's much more effective then any fool given any type of a weapon. I'll do the first three...but they really only lead up to the very last... yet...with laziness... how the fuck do you have a future, when you hardly have a past? Last edited by Daemon : 08-31-05 at 07:30 PM. |
|
|
|
08-31-05, 07:17 PM
|
#2
|
|
|
Just searching.
|
IP:
- does the spinarooni. -
|
|
|
|
|
08-31-05, 08:25 PM
|
#3
|
||
|
IP:
*dropkicks Daemon*
drop a link b4 this piece gets closed, yo o.O
__________________
..The Council..
7 Day Theory Last edited by Sik Wit It : 08-31-05 at 08:43 PM. |
||
|
|
|
08-31-05, 08:30 PM
|
#4
|
|
|
Just searching.
|
IP:
But it's the harvest moon..
|
|
|
|
|
08-31-05, 10:54 PM
|
#5
|
|
|
IP:
Yup listen to sick wit it...*waits for link*
__________________
The Competition
 |
|
 
|
|
|
09-01-05, 05:40 PM
|
#6
|
|
|
Just searching.
|
IP:
- screams. - I will in a bit. I'm going to the Y.
|
|
|
|
|
09-01-05, 08:02 PM
|
#7
|
|
|
Just searching.
|
IP:
|
|
|
|
|
09-01-05, 09:09 PM
|
#8
|
||
|
The Paragraph President
|
IP:
hmm i liked your imagery it really kept me reading, but i think your emotion could be upped some more, stucture and flow was very good nice and solid good job wit that. creativty was low vocabulary could be upped a lil bit and you could use some multiples in there, just the way my style is but for the imagery just really the story was good and thats what kept the piece together, not your best but its still a very very good piece. keep doin ya thing man maybe add some internal multiples in there next time
1
__________________
|
||
|
|
|
|
09-01-05, 09:39 PM
|
#9
|
|
|
Middle Weight
|
IP:
this was good poetry hard for me to get into good wording but could've added much more action than this but its all right
|
|
|
|
|
09-02-05, 04:15 PM
|
#10
|
|
|
Just searching.
|
IP:
- flips!!!!!! -
|
|
|
|
 |
| Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
| Display Modes | |
|
|
Hybrid Mode
