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Old 09-08-05, 07:46 PM   #1
Crazy Hades
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Awakening Creatures

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AWAKENING CREATURES


THE door closes so slowly, viewing behind it all the places desolate;
the shadows are tesselate, engraving messages depicting pegasus.
Lives immaculate, permit the remains of time through one abacus...
Energy would omit the matters that plead in means of the advocate.

NOT having it, the clocks tick to an approaching limit to which I burst,
I'm a maverick, I stick to my own plans and quench the things I thirst.
From the day's first, I stick to a linen chrysallis I'm easily encased in,
to pass the speeding seconds as me and time are historically racing.
The hall I'm facing is a labryinth of secrets leading into many rooms,
Secluded in gloom, I ponder why I must awaken on this day so soon.
The sun raised to engulf the moon in a light that burns my lazy eyes,
and I actually seemed like a well-dressed person in this crazy disguise.
And maybe girls and guys, you'll one day face this very same problem,
to balance coffee in one hand, tie in the other, with skin like a goblin's.
I'm meager, with misplaced shoes, and other tell-tale tired features.
I'd bag groceries with my eyes, on another day of an awakening creature.
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Old 09-08-05, 07:50 PM   #2
anxiety
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I don't understand this shit at all... And I hate when people use all kinds of crazy vocab...
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Old 09-08-05, 08:06 PM   #3
Crazy Hades
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Only the beginning is hard to understand, foo! It's basically talking about him waking up, I'm trying to make it 'vague' in the beginning.
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Old 09-08-05, 08:23 PM   #4
Konchance
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wakin up and going to work............ very descriptive, and actually original. never saw the topic before, even though it seems to be something everyone does.......... nice structure and flow..... couldn't really find anything u needed improvement on with this piece...... ohhh, and i like Fluffy.......
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Old 09-08-05, 08:25 PM   #5
Crazy Hades
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I'll rewrite it so it doesn't rhyme and makes sense(kinda).

THE door closes so slowly, viewing behind it all the places bad;
the shadows are everywhere, scratch messages showing bright.
Lives pure, allow time to be measued of whats left by a mathematical device...
Energy would take out the matters that beg in means of the person who begs his case.

Word.
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Old 09-08-05, 11:53 PM   #6
Kawn Flixx
FUCK STROBE
 
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Drop 2 links or this will be closed
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Old 09-09-05, 04:17 PM   #7
Crazy Hades
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Drop Yo Fucking Momma, Bitch. Fuck U And Your Limits.

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Old 09-10-05, 11:40 AM   #8
Crazy Hades
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I like puppy...
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Old 09-10-05, 11:44 AM   #9
Dickard.
A Life Of Chryme
 
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From: Boston
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This piece was hard to understand in the beginning, but ur imagery and emotion was tight...ur vocab was outstanding...couldnt ask for better lol....umm ur structure was pin point caught a good flow....only thing really to complain about was the understanding part overall 8.5/10...keep it up keep droppin 1
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Old 09-10-05, 11:57 AM   #10
Crazy Hades
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The beginning is supposed to make it seem like it's something like zombies or evil or something...supposed to make it seem...ya know, darky.
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Old 09-10-05, 02:19 PM   #11
Crazy Hades
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Time to eat pie...
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Old 09-10-05, 03:49 PM   #12
Crazy Hades
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chew some bubblegum.
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Old 09-10-05, 05:21 PM   #13
B.I.G.
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Nice topic.. very creative

Sum very nice vocab.... overal 10/10
keep up
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Old 09-10-05, 06:01 PM   #14
Crazy Hades
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Dat's damn racist.
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Old 09-10-05, 07:02 PM   #15
Crazy Hades
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But I love you anyway.
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