As the eye's looked back
saw the faint pictures fading all away.
filled with animosity on track
beligerent feelings of ones emotions shaded grey.
slowly tested and upper trashed
still trying harder and harder upon strength.
lifted to fail real fast.
posted as weak, dragged to lost faith.
.
.
impaired to a vision unclear
and developed to a loop thats over-looped.
switched taste of fragrance, dear:
im sorry to tell you i over-looked.
deleted memory so it seemed
the voices of others stating there opinions.
teared river streams,subtle teen
at the age of 17, devils deminion.
.
.
so tell thy story love
of how it was lost, our love.
u pushed to hard, Shoved.
released pain flown like a white dove.
face turned away, not here
given the cold shoulder, seen portrayed tears.
as it remaind all unclear
he was shaded grey left to disapear.

first poetry.

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Tight shit fam...

this flowed and it said something but I can't figure it out for the life of me but keep on flowing doe

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=226712
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=226613

- Thank you

I liked your rhyming and diction


good 1






1

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Youtube Video for my song "CARRY ON"

^^thanks peepz....


ayo upping!

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hey bro that was some nice ass shit for being a first wright that was some good shit Keep it up Fam

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This was very good man, I apologize for taking so rediculously long to respond to it. You actual have a very beautiful poetic style. The imagery was average, but average on my standards so that "dope" to just about anyone else. The emotion was what really got me, I felt this alot and that is among the most important aspects in poetry. The structuring was perfect... Usually when people first start writing they have these insanely long lines and the piece is just very sloppily presented, but this was great. Nice quick lines that got the message across. I really hope you keep with this and write a few more poems.

^^
word fam thanks man...nice looks yo!.
anyway's upping this to the top!.

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this was good for a first poetic write. sometimes when i expected you to rhyme, you didn't at all. however the content and message was good. nothing special than unique versing with a good vocab. i see potential. great.

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^^
it read like this
a
b
c
b
d
b
the B's are the rhyming word homes....

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For your first, very well done. It was kind of off, how one verse would rhyme completely, while the next would not. I like the word usage, they paint a picture while telling the story at the same time. You definitly have potential. This poem reminds me of things I have from back in the day.

Favorite part:



If all the verses were strong like this one it would get a 10/10. I'll kindly give you a 7/10.

Check out my stuff I'll be dropping. I'm new here but not new to writing whatsoever. I love feedback.