RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 07-27-06, 12:49 PM   #1
Y.n.A
New to RV
 
Posts: 4
minimum wage

IP:

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2805050 http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=230817



life on minimum wage,aint how im tryna live//
give to the poor,well i am poor,only me to give
bottom of totem pole,aint askin for my 2~cent//
but thats all i got to give,when u got over due~rent


Work with government product,lights aint price-less/
askin the wiseman for answers,but hes advice-less
Wiseman tells me,my fortune will grow one-day/
Notice on the door,water gettin cut off on mon-day
Kids like pops why the bread green,eyes full oftears/
Wipe my eyes,god help me climb over the fears
scraps aint turnin into miracles,is it rent,or water/
cant pay-back the king pin,so he rape his daughter
gun to my head,so he lay-back,my life i cant subdue/
got to hit the box,so you can get a clear view
Just another day in the minimum wage life-style/
like raw spelled backwards,give up cuz life-hostile
Cant buy no mic,so the showers is his stage/
pen bleed on the book,another line to the page


hook 2x
life on minimum wage,aint how im tryna live//
give to the poor,well i am poor,only me to give
bottom of totem pole,aint askin for my 2~cent//
but thats all i got to give,when u got over due~rent

made bad choices,never made the right decision/
Cant go on,time to let the bullet make a incision
workin overtime,still bringin in that minimum wage/
my income got me locked in this unbreakable cage
searchin the grass for the clover with four leaves/
anything for marginal cash,so she drops to her knees
Played the game wrong,wheres the restart switch/
is the dream or reality,if so then lifes a real bitch
didnt go off to college,cant go back to school/
got to walk on the side,cuz no money for feul//
luck plays no favors,walk the streets got robd today/
Now we lookin at eviction,this aint april foolsday//
kids stay in school,go get ya doctorate,dont drop-out/
cant have the marginal things,learn to cop-without


hook 2x
life on minimum wage,aint how im tryna live//
give to the poor,well i am poor,only me to give
bottom of totem pole,aint askin for my 2~cent//
but thats all i got to give,when u got over due~rent


lost the feelin of cash,say he lost the sense~to~feel/
naw cuz pain he felt,nickel n dime turn cents~to~a mill
deny the slump,so he left in~da~nile like egyptian fish/
begin~ya~mile his my nikes,wish to dream,dream to wish
pay~check 2 pay check,struggle to put food on the table/
spray~tech nine across the store,rob em money stable
forgot the ski~mask so my face on t.v,now im wanted/
she~ask why rob em,right turn wrong life all haunted
im hearin voice in my head,follow me,follow you where/
take me as your leader and your wishes will be near/
im wunderin am i goin crazy,or my life playin~a~trick/
followin the voice,no need for lottery stop playin~da~six
so this is a story a person who aint play his cards right/
follow ya dreamz,made to write,pull out the pad n write

hook 2x
life on minimum wage,aint how im tryna live//
give to the poor,well i am poor,only me to give
bottom of totem pole,aint askin for my 2~cent//
but thats all i got to give,when u got over due~rent
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-06, 01:20 AM   #2
XM
Within Eternity's Wither
 
Posts: 405
From: VA/GA
IP:

........No bad but could seriously be better homie, your structure is ok but the emotion wasn't really hit'n ok on the imagry, elevation is a must you can do better but if your gonna do such a drop like this why not just do it as an audio the feed will always come out better if you can flow it right ya kno
__________________
crhyme sindicate
Open Mic Hall Of Famer
Send a message via AIM to XM Send a message via Yahoo to XM   Reply With Quote
Old 08-06-06, 05:35 PM   #3
Ysdat
Whys That?
 
Posts: 2,007
IP:

this is marginally ok.

first off all get rid of the // at the end of each bar, not needed. aswell as the - or ~ to link your multis together.

You have some good attempts at multis in this, but they are very simple at that.
if you upped your vocab it will be alot easier for you to drop some dope multis bro.
Vocab is much needed in this peice, its too simple man. Try starting lines with descriptive words.

Instead of saying:


she~ask why rob em,right turn wrong life all haunted
im hearin voice in my head,follow me,follow you where/
take me as your leader and your wishes will be near/
im wunderin am i goin crazy,or my life playin~a~trick/


try saying :

desperatly she~ask why rob em,right turn wrong life all haunted
antogonisingly im hearin a voice in my head,follow me,follow you where/
instantly take me as your leader and your wishes will be near/
pacing brain wunderin am i goin crazy,or my life playin~a~trick/

see it adds more imagery and a bit more emotion.

This isnt bad, dont get me wrong, just pointing out were you can elevate bro.

Stay dropping.
Peace
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:50 PM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.