I rip mics from the hands of you none rappin dikes/
Flow so tight, say I'm the man or else you lose ya life/
I chose ta fight, thats right, I chose to kill/
Battle at any moment cuz this fool got skill/
This dudes fa real, I could never be a faker/
Ya softer then oatmeal, Ima nickname ya Quaker/
I'm always relentless, you bitches are instant/
Actin like a child, I say you mockin an infant/
This ain't lunch time so theres no need for bitin/
Hit ya wit punchlines that inspire ya writin/
Theres just a lil preview of what Mayhem got/
I'll send ya'll all copies when my demo cd drop/


http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3107932
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3107906

I rip mics from the hands of you none rappin dikes/
Flow so tight, say I'm the man or else you lose ya life/
<Ok...^^
I chose ta fight, thats right, I chose to kill/
Battle at any moment cuz this fool got skill/
Nice Flow ^^
This dudes fa real, I could never be a faker/
Ya softer then oatmeal, Ima nickname ya Quaker/
Second Line...VERY out-played^^
I'm always relentless, you bitches are instant/
Actin like a child, I say you mockin an infant/
Best line in Verse ^^^
This ain't lunch time so theres no need for bitin/
Hit ya wit punchlines that inspire ya writin/
Ok^^
Theres just a lil preview of what Mayhem got/
I'll send ya'll all copies when my demo cd drop/
meh...^^

__________________

Join The Dynasty Today

I rip mics from the hands of you none rappin dikes/
Flow so tight, say I'm the man or else you lose ya life/
(eh.....generic like u just tryin to rhyme)
I chose ta fight, thats right, I chose to kill/
Battle at any moment cuz this fool got skill/
(eh same as above)
This dudes fa real, I could never be a faker/
Ya softer then oatmeal, Ima nickname ya Quaker/
(ok gettin somewhere)
I'm always relentless, you bitches are instant/
Actin like a child, I say you mockin an infant/
(k keepin it steady.......)
This ain't lunch time so theres no need for bitin/
Hit ya wit punchlines that inspire ya writin/
(k)
Theres just a lil preview of what Mayhem got/
I'll send ya'll all copies when my demo cd drop/
(eh weak ender)

this couldve overall been better but i think u kinda just started rappin so the only advice that will sum up what u need to do is....look at sum legendary stuff.....in the archives......look at what they did and apply....u dont get better overnight....but u do need practice....lots....listen to other rappers too.....peeps like wayne......papoose......jae millz....serius jones or murda mook