was workin on this today got 20 lines done tell me what yall think....~1~


cant even sit down and relax my mind.....
without feeling the tense animosity attacking from behind......
many speak about me...many watch me closely...
these antagonistic individuals conspire to fold me....
in bisects and visualize me immobilize and collapse....
collide into a callous pavement hoping i wont survive the impact....
im being pressured to reach a higher bearing and still keep my sanity....
but these adversaries make it hard to breath they creep in stradegy......
they all want to challenge me... pin me to floors in submission.....
whether right or wrong im forced to make decisions....
time maneuvers expeditiously on a course against the opposition.....
it is my intention to triumph over these hordes of abomination....
and escape the afflictive amoral ways of my foes....
theses days i grow old and weary.... these rivals hatred gotta go.....
im suprised ive made it this far equiped for the next confrontation....
i stand in my high defensive position waiting for my assailants elevation.....
i got the words and strength to counterattack like counterinsurgency....
those who wanna corner me will get dealt with like burglary.....
and when the final contentions are over i'll wave a banner in victory......
proving my will to succeed over the standards of infamy....


my links......

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=244067
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=244057

__________________
B.E.S.T.....HAHA

uppin...........feedback pleaseeee!!!........

__________________
B.E.S.T.....HAHA

ok i kinda see what u was tryin to do here.. pretty dope stuff.. some rhymes didnt actually rhyme tho... almost like u forced them to rhyme... but still it came out ok.. ok flow off of it... rhymes that i like the most

many speak about me...many watch me closely...
these antagonistic individuals conspire to fold me....
in bisects and visualize me immobilize and collapse....
collide into a callous pavement hoping i wont survive the impact....

those lines were dope and showed some creativity off top... those could be used to great use in a song... dope stuff..
just remember there is plenty of time to elevate... dont force it... keep droping and u urself will evolve with the game...
nice one

....yeah i did try a little more on this piece than other pieces ive done in the past...i tryed to choose my words carefully and edit the lines here and there...take out what i liked and didn't like etc.....the reason it seems forced....thanks for the feed man....stay up.....

uppin on his....~1~

__________________
B.E.S.T.....HAHA

upppin.............!!!!!!!!!!!!.............~1~

__________________
B.E.S.T.....HAHA

upppin!!!!!.....would like some good feedback and yeah.........~1~

__________________
B.E.S.T.....HAHA

You have 1 Proper feedback link. This open mic will stay up for 1 Month after this post.

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