this ma first textual rhyme holla at playa


i'll rip your tongue out in my rap court as a penalty for spitting wack
rhymes/
i go line for line for your demise/
netherground vibe knocks u off the Hiphop orbit
u can't exist in my presence ,even as my shadow/
your mind is narrow like the tip of a funnel/
metaphors u tackle bump on each other like fun-fair dodgems/
cuz your words couldn't connect wid hyphens/
you're just a hypened homosexual/
suckin' dick as a daily ritual/
watch i'm attackin' ya, my style crushin' ya ventricles/
to cause the bloodrush, to blow your testicles/
your style is played,free or paid, you need lyrical aid
i liquidate your brain leaving your vocabulary broke/
rhymes provoke, so dope, u tear what u wrote/
cuz your text don't impress/
your rapbook is wack right from the index/

holla at playa

stop playahation ownes

word!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought it was pretty sick... for a first time it's amazing... you had good vocab and it flowed very well... keep droppin' tha hot shit

I thought the ending was strong and for a first time it was good.
But, i thought that it flowed inconsistently, and the first line was a bit of a mouthful - needs to be shortened.
The next few lines i didn't real feel, but after that you got it flowing and as i said, i think the last few lines came on strong and good.

Good first time and i didn't mean no beef.

Keep practising.

Peace

it was good for a first timer but your flow was off on a couple lines, just keep writing you will get better you show alot of potential

now go reply to mine, dont sleep or you wont get anymore replys

it was good at the end, the beginning you hada hell of a concept but couldnt match the rhyme

thanx for da constructive critisism

mo please

since you havn't replied to anyone elses (no links)... you ain't gettin' no-more feedback...

__________________

honestly i wasnt feeling the 1st half of it, but i kept reading, and from the middle to the end was some ill shit dogg.

that was pretty good fo yo first time










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that was pretty hype, that was pretty tight, son u got yo game on right.

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**>!<tRiLL\[S]/eMcEE>!<**

Have you replied to many other peoples open mics? If not please do.