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Old 02-26-03, 06:27 PM   #1
KeVLaR
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I Need....unfinished

IP:

Seems like forever, since I've last felt this way....
To stare into space an dream of you all day,
Invisions seem real, even though they'll never be...
Speechless by your beauty, is how you render me,
I'm tired of be'n lied to, an deceived by looks...
Your melodic voice which leaves me shook,
Your radiant eyes, resembl'n pearls...
They tell me that i need you, girl,


umm....think'n bout finish'n this...but i'm not quit feel'n it so much...so y'all tell me...
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Old 02-26-03, 07:06 PM   #2
varentao
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I thought it was alright...

...i mean it had good imagery...you detailed it so the reader could relate to what youre saying more...

...also quite cliche...i felt it was at times blunt...

...but yeah, i mean it's alright...i feel ya, love n all...

...and after just pouring my inner self into a piece, this aint the best of replies...but i feel i've made fair comments...


...respect...
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