Sometimes when I fall i just ball up and spin//That's when I call upon the bottled gin//And just sip and sit 'till all I do is grin//Days like this when I spit to convince myself I win//So I can take regret and shed it 'till all do's forget//It's intense what words doctors dispense//Enuf to make even the devil repent,turn wrong men in2 somethin' descent//And ask what could prevent, what went wrong through the long descent// And a dictionary can't give what words have meant//Couldn't tell me that "miscariage" meant more than. my son's death//Couldn't tell me it'll be my death too, go indepth to//Couldn't tell me i'd wanna give the doc a big, "Fuck You!"//That I couldn't tell my wife what I wished i'd known, but no one had shown//Or that the lid on my life would be blown with strife//that i'd fantasize about knife inclined to slice and dice//over veins that entice me twice this night//...and now that bottled gin is spent// and i don't know my own intents//Hospitals, doctors wills, and suicide pills are all my pescription prevents// Who was it that miscariage killed?

This was aiight... I like your wordplay. Your rhymes were kinda sketchy at times... like
//So I can take regret and shed it 'till all do's forget//
I think I know what you mean but the rhyme makes no sense. Read it back to yourself and you'll see what I'm getting at... keep elevatin'... Peace.

Thanks for the reply...i will work on the rewrite...does anyone else have any suggestions?

tight.

That's your entire response? Tight? It's hard to improve off ofa one word response...

Didn't Like This .. Boring

You Need More Imagery To Make The Readers Keep Their Eyes Glued To The Screen..

Flow Wasn't Consistant But You Caught On To It Near The Middle - End, And The Concept Was Alright