Here's a little rap about a girl I know
Her name starts with an M, she lives in Idaho
The boys would kill to have her, that just goes to show
That she just cannot be got, cause she's still single, yo
See I crushed on her for years until it broke my heart
I loved her to the end and I liked her from the start
She never knew how I felt...that's the funny part
I don't think she understands that she's a work of art
See this ain't about a fantasy obsessed with some hot bod
It's about a girl so pure she's like an angel of God
She seems so far above me...I'm not even on the map
If she held my hand for real I think I'd have a heart attack
She's dark and lovely...that's a ripoff from the Song of Songs
I could sing her praises now and go on all night long
I could cry for her until my last small tear was gone
I'd make it up forever if I've ever done her wrong
I want to make her happy...to bad I just don't count
If she could write her life you know she'd probably leave me out
And if that's the way she wants it...well, so be it then
But I'm glad that things are like this and I can call her a friend
Still I doubt she'll ever know how much she really means
I act so cool around her but my heart's tearing at the seams
She thinks she's just another crush...I know it's not the same
I can't explain the rush I get when those lips say my name
Or breath something remotely sweet..I know this may sound lame
But there were times her laugh alone would smash me like a train
The love I felt for her went deep...much deeper than my veins
And knowing her has been do sweet but caused me so much pain
Memories of her are magic, but tears drip like the rain
I've tasted of her sweetness...will I ever taste again?

i liked the flow and story-ialistic feel of how you were tellin' it, nice meaning in phrases, respect






peace






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That's not bad but you live in Cali and she lives in Idaho... How did ya meet and how will ya even see each other or stay in contact?... This was more of a poem than an open mic piece but I'll critique it anyway. You spilled out a lot of emotion into this piece and I could feel it. Just it makes me think that it's some i-net crush or something by you saying she's in Idaho and you're in Cali. That kinda ruins it for me but it's still your life and shit. Do what you do.

pz

tight.