(hopefully this'll make up 4 dat shitty keystyle )

It aint easy evryday dealin wit deez maggots/
We jus prey on em like its a natural habit/
Dis life 4 us iz too traumatic,we bouta respond wit sum automatics/
Decrease tha #'s by heavy mathematics/
Like by 10s,100s,1000s, or millions/
Change tha lives of evry civilian/
Tha way we talkin u'd think we wuz terrorists/
But we live right near u,now tha da scariest/
Im so sick from all dis,I think Ima need meds/
Mah soul's pure darkness,I dont even bleed red/
Our sisters get killed terribly,even thru birth/
Aint dat sumthin?One gotta die for 1 to live on dis Earth/
Now I kno our brothers struggle as well/
Puff blunts like evrythang's coo,inside u troubled as hell/
Homie wuz on top till he stumbled and fell/
I think its society's fault,dey got us under a spell/
Sum crazy broad carries a semi & buries many bitches on it/
I see a reward,its plenty,xcept its got mah pictures on it/
It give me tha indication dat tha system's cord slips/
Gotta go thru sum litigation and sum serious court shit/
I kno mah folks feel me on how much u g2 do to prove ya innocence/
Still tryna call u guilty,even if evidence shows sum1 else's fingerprints/
Too much corruption,Yall 3 seconds from permanent destruction/
O see,mah b,tha uzi jus had a little malfunction...
*

ok thas all folks,lemme kno wutchu think.
link 1 link 2

Attached Images

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that shits phat keep it up dog

Yeah! I read that keystyle, this shit is much better, it makes more sence, got better flow (though it still could have been smoother), wordplay and rhymes... I could even quote some...
"Mah soul's pure darkness,I dont even bleed red/"
"Our sisters get killed terribly,even thru birth/
Aint dat sumthin?One gotta die for 1 to live on dis Earth/"

yeah dawg this shit was tight... -1-

gotta agree with alias-c, that was doooope and them some!

thanx 4 tha replies.Tha previous key wuz rushed,thas prolly y it wuz garbage.Thanx 4 tha love,Stay ^
-Avi

This time you didnt rush.......

AND ITS STILL WACK!!!!
when are you gonna learn?
you're not a mc....your just a wanna be

face it man.....u wack and weak
just quit this hip hop shit.....4real


keep workin on it kid

Peace.....
1.........

hey yo rawdeadly y u alwayz hatin on otha people tryin to do they thang and u don't. all yo fuckin posts is comments bout mc's being wack when u know u can't do better. u a fuckin snake

thanx for tha replies yall.Raw,stfu and stop suckin so much dick,tha cum iz cloggin up ya senses...

Dat nigga Raw lives up to his name yo. Raw's a bitch and then some yo but I like it yo keep it up.

Yo i dont know what everyone's hooked off of but this
was basic, no type of imagery or vocabulary to spark it up
Yo dogg i'm not hating just keeping it real... Up your whole
genre!! It was way too simplistic ..

This joint was tight yo. I was feelin' the vocab., and the basis behind this piece. I would wanna see some of your battlin' skills, see you tear a nigga up. I'm uppin' this shit.

Thanx man
i got a battle open in Front Lines,if u wanna check it out

i like it, the flow was on point