Look through my eyes, and see a vision//
This is no disguise, this the end of the intermission//
To conquer these cries, is my true mission//
As my heart begins to die, I start wishen//
Maybe the pain will subside, and i can start Thinken//
Of ways to survive, like swim instead of sinken//
I wanna live the good life, like champagne drinken//
All I feel strife, and the eye of death winkin//
I got my knife, and my 9 millimeter clicken//
Need em to stay alive, because beef stay sticken//
Its hard to strive, but you know ima stay kicken//

ill post mna,good multis and vocab.Short but sweet.Stay ^
-Avi

uppin for replys

That was fresh. Fo real. i dont kno wha beat you was listening to but you can feel it.. Nice work. OoNnEe

Yo Thef, its aiight, nice multi's, i hear ya, add another verse next time and it'll be alot better yo!

Peace Out!!!!

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replies

yo... you had the multies, you had the flow, and the vocab, but you lacked lengh, and different sounding words to rhyme with... I mean it's all ...ies... and ... ions... shit could have definitely used more words...
Yo you could have developed this into something nice man, shit just stopped abruptly, like you gave a strong intro, but no body or conclution man... thas all I saw wrong with it... from the little I read... it was hot...

Peace