yo check it i feel like the world is crumblin down/ cause rap has stop bein bout what's real and just the now/niggas speak of ice and smokin weed/ but what they don't tell is that it's like a disease/ eatin up da streets niggas just keep coppin/ not knowin that wit every coin spit anotha kid is hungry/and you keepin them crack heads dancin like monkeys/dat ice you rock ain't helpin yo peoples/talkin bout killin then speak of god churches and steeples/the game has just fallin apart/niggas spit these clown as riddles tryin to play da part/the spoken to music is what runs through my viens/ya'll niggas bleed blood while i bleed nothin but nouns verbs and adjectives/spittin bout da life i've lived/ then game to me is somethin sacred while these dumb rappas fuck it up wit hatred

rap is my life/ i dream in rhymic patterns/my soul is deep just like a hidden cavern/tryin to be true to my self wit every breath i breathe/then thoughts of quit the struggle is what i tease/ with a mind know with rhymes there no need for life/ specially when theres no way to release stress from so much pain and strife/ and please don't tryin to spit crash courses on how to kill a nigga quik and in a hurry/cause thats the kinda shit that gets niggas burried/ and you wonder why yo moms is always worried/ then u break bad wit yo boys while alone you is a pussy just to damn scurry/so please don't think that rap is game cause this shit is real just ask rappa wit any worth to his name

yo can i get some critiques

Yo man, I dunno whether this was meant to rhyme or what but ok, firstly, that lay-out is fucked up, it's very hard to read and understand, instead of what u got, try layin it out like this:

yo check it i feel like the world is crumblin down/
cause rap has stop bein bout what's real and just the now/
niggas speak of ice and smokin weed/
but what they don't tell is that it's like a disease/

This is alot easier to read so try pressin enter next time but man even when u fix up the lay-out, shit still doesn't rhyme whatsoever and there is no flow, I dunno whether I'm missin somethin or u meant to do this, you did rhyme in a few lines but for 95% of it, it just has no flow or rhyme scheme whatsoever, so next time try and adopt a flow and consistent rhyme scheme.

Peace Out!!!!

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dawg i didn't mean for it to rhyme mostly and thats no lie i just approach my rap like art its not about rhyme but more about droppin knowledge