Finally got it finished! Srry abouyt the wait, i wrote to this title 3 times, I liked this one the best....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Girl singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star")

Verse One- "The Story"
the relationship was strong, but the love was oddly fable;
she was 10 years younger than him, he robbed the cradle;
and stole everything her mother had, she said it all was dangerous;
but it's not him thats killing Rose.......all his anger is;
his emotions were charred, her skin was porcelin white;
he kept her locked in the house, it forced her to fight;
divorce was the right, road to take, but she missed the turn;
everytime she spoke against him? Threats of slits and burns;
she bottled up her emotions, and lived in a cage;
found relief in heroin...but still was vented through rage;
she couldn't hit josh, so she beat her kids every day;
soon she snapped and fell further: life begins to decay;
blood flowed as the liters were drank, Rose was the leader;
she had to win the battle, but she ws hopeless and feeble;
so Rose bleeched the woredrobe: burnt holes in his sneakers;
Josh came home, noticed the burnt cloths and then beat her;
the children had their faces covered, ballin their eyes out;
he stopped pumeling her, she started crawling: the knife's out;
she wipes her face, stabs him in the back, and kissed her kids;
and with a swift motion from left to right....she slits her wrist;

(*Hook 2x*)

Verse two- "The Letter"
"Age?"
"22...so young, a heart of gold was her treasure;
such a tormented soul was Rose, she wrote us this letter";
the officer paused for a minute, stalled and emraced it;
each attempted syllable shattered apon their creation;

"I'm at the depths of dispair, and damn it, i'm bored;
ominous creatures test me, so i brandish the sword;
i'll extirpate those that oppose the movement of me;
the union of kings, to destroy illusions of peace;
my dreams are painted in black, by my somber emotions;
so many tears shed, now i'm the God of these oceans;
cast into eternal darkness: obnoxious, corrosive;
odd consequinces of my squalid devotions;
quandary, hopeless: such a devious rancor;
running from the dog-like creatures on all fours;
no where to hide, i found safty in a motion to slice;
such a loved child........such a potent demise;
wrap up my injuries, and placate my wounds;
when i found out love was a lie, i tried to fathom the truth;
but couldn't, the taste of defeat in acrid, i'm meak but elated;
i'm choking of anger, cause i'm hanging by a wreath made of hatred";

"the letter was not finished, we're guessing the husband found her;
read it, and begun to hurt her, what a goddamn fucking coward;
rest in peace Josh Wallace, you should've let Rose alone;
the 8th million corpses left by a broken home;
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*No hook yet, can't approach it correctly*

Feedback....

P.e.a.c.e.

Hey it's interesting that you could dive into the keystyle lines, which were originally written with a battle feel, and come up with this out of it. I like it, very creative. Interesting flavor of tea you have.

lol....thank you....honestly, when an emcee can do that (take one thing and flip it to another) that's true skill...not being concieted, just saying...

Thank you very much..

P.e.a.c.e.

^conceited fuck!... lol... Don't lie.

Yea, this was dope but at times in the first verse the flow was off a little bit to me. It was ill as a finished product. Keep this shiznit up. I loved those first 2 lines of the 2nd verse. That was nice. Keep doing you shit bro.

pz

Thank you Domain...

P.e.a.c.e.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

P.e.a.c.e.

mmm finished piece?? would've replied earlier but thought it was the original keystyle... was cool... 8/10... drop it when you get the hook right... then pop it onto audio?? keep rhymin

Thanks....i'll edit int he hook when i get it done, but i don't have the equipment to do audio....or else i'd be glad to do it in and audio form....

P.e.a.c.e.

Eminem said it best:

"Thanks for the support ass holes"

P.e.a.c.e.

yeah liked this man
good piece which hit home interesting topic too good vocab flow was good some good wordplay etc overall tight
p.s is ur name josh??jk

god damn that was ill

maybe one of the illest pieces i eva read

the 2nd verse had nice nice vocab in it, and the flow in both was on cue
i like the plays in here as welll for example the porcelain white line

but fave lines:
Verse One- "The Story"
the relationship was strong, but the love was oddly fable;
she was 10 years younger than him, he robbed the cradle;
and stole everything her mother had, she said it all was dangerous;
but it's not him thats killing Rose.......all his anger is;
his emotions were charred, her skin was porcelin white;
he kept her locked in the house, it forced her to fight;
divorce was the right, road to take, but she missed the turn;
everytime she spoke against him? Threats of slits and burns;
she bottled up her emotions, and lived in a cage;
found relief in heroin...but still was vented through rage;
she couldn't hit josh, so she beat her kids every day;
soon she snapped and fell further: life begins to decay;
blood flowed as the liters were drank, Rose was the leader;
she had to win the battle, but she ws hopeless and feeble;
so Rose bleeched the woredrobe: burnt holes in his sneakers;
Josh came home, noticed the burnt cloths and then beat her;
the children had their faces covered, ballin their eyes out;
he stopped pumeling her, she started crawling: the knife's out;
she wipes her face, stabs him in the back, and kissed her kids;
and with a swift motion from left to right....she slits her wrist;

(*Hook 2x*)

Verse two- "The Letter"
"Age?"
"22...so young, a heart of gold was her treasure;
such a tormented soul was Rose, she wrote us this letter";
the officer paused for a minute, stalled and emraced it;
each attempted syllable shattered apon their creation;

"I'm at the depths of dispair, and damn it, i'm bored;
ominous creatures test me, so i brandish the sword;
i'll extirpate those that oppose the movement of me;
the union of kings, to destroy illusions of peace;
my dreams are painted in black, by my somber emotions;
so many tears shed, now i'm the God of these oceans;
cast into eternal darkness: obnoxious, corrosive;
odd consequinces of my squalid devotions;
quandary, hopeless: such a devious rancor;
running from the dog-like creatures on all fours;
no where to hide, i found safty in a motion to slice;
such a loved child........such a potent demise;
wrap up my injuries, and placate my wounds;
when i found out love was a lie, i tried to fathom the truth;
but couldn't, the taste of defeat in acrid, i'm meak but elated;
i'm choking of anger, cause i'm hanging by a wreath made of hatred";

"the letter was not finished, we're guessing the husband found her;
read it, and begun to hurt her, what a goddamn fucking coward;
rest in peace Josh Wallace, you should've let Rose alone;
the 8th million corpses left by a broken home;

is this gna be audio?

^^^Thanks...i like the whole verse being your "favorite lines"...lol...It will be audio one day, but as of now, i don't the equipment to make audios....but in the future i will...

Thank you...

P.e.a.c.e.

i was feeling those lines yo..shit was hott...not sure if it would be the audio type, structure wise and shit....but yo this piece was madd creative and detail was crazy as fuck...i was loving this, keep me wanting to read each new line....you got talent... maybe some more internal rhyming and shit would have been nice..but that wasnt a big factor yo..the concept and imagery made this iLL straigt up...good shit yo..keep it up

~2~

yo ima save this link and give my feed back on it tomorrow, because right now i gotta do a bunch of paper work for my buisness i run

__________________
LowerTown's Finest

^^^aight, thats straight, good luck with your business...

Thanks for the replies peeps....

P.e.a.c.e.