Topic: Shadows
Due: Tuesday April 1st.
Line max: 16 lines any more will not be counted.

The top 15 will advance.

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aight this is about a shadow noticing his physical form dead....

morbid
for it was the core that burnt him most torrid
the light was not brighter
might was only metaphysical
metaphorically tore it
my recognition conditional to define premonitions of mine
kind glow, mind blow, prime growth
lines grow through my palace shackled in silence callus
hand violence, torture chamber of my corporate neighbors
i felt no more, caverns of coal caving in
behaving in my misruled sanity
in lesser, maker, seperated duality

closed until judging.

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Start voting

very nice. nicest piece ive seen in here so far.
you definatly move on. very good job.

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^^thanks for that reply dunny...one

yea this piece was nice. stayed on topic. vocab, feelin, structure.
def a nice piece.
vote to move on

I didnt like this piece i feel words were thrown in simply because they rhyme--

morbid
for it was the core that burnt him most torrid
the light was not brighter
might was only metaphysical
metaphorically tore it

This is a good example of what i mean this opening was very weak. I dont belive this should make it to the next round.

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SOFT FOCUS crew record (3-0) Wits end ~ DOI ~ Central....now who's next?
sacred scriptures record (5-0)

it was a good descpretion... glad you put what it was describing though... cause I wouldn't have gotten it... well maybe ... lol.. nice work bud
vote: next round

goes to next round

Varentao comments:

I think you need to put some reason behind that vote or it will become invalid.

Probably the most original approach to this topic i've seen so far...

...and on the edge style of writing executed fairly well...even though once or twice if felt the vocab you used was not used effectively enough, like it was there as an oddity, for the sake of using it...


..but that was only once or twice..overall a very nice piece..

...Vote: DOES go through to the next round

8/10