i regulary bleed to death and find my emptiness is filled with uncertainty
live when conception of time forms my norm
ranking through deciption of minds
discredit your lives, regulary we reak of wealth
belts around the beast's belly
tell me...when one speaks to self, do meeting arise?
denied to reply?surprised to converse?
it told me "he was not myself, I was It manifested on Earth"
vision of my eye varies
i'm blind really, but reality is not what was once my presence
and your essence, visual blessing that tore and lessened in worth, by chored lessons
what you been taught to see is all you truely can grasp
and what you thought was tangible, is angled towards your entangled past
release my escape message, less wakeless days and sleepless nights
plights full strong power wisdom insightful fright
the more i knew...the more it grew in size
and the truth defied the lies
that became tools that shaped this cesspool of phthisis, which is the fisted cyst
disturbed into my Misses, chances at listening
took you for granted, for we both chanted....

this was deep. feelin where ya were coming with this, but i thought sum of your barz were to jumpy. like ya had sumthing on your mind strated writing on it and ya jumped to a new thought t a lil too quickly. slow yaflow down will bring moe out of ya, i think. stay up ad stay evolvin ya got hunger also return the favor.

peace

__________________
the one that watches the watchmen:

thanks for the feedback dunny...the reason why it seems like i'm jumpin around in the bars is supposed to be that to many thoughts are in my mind, and they tryin to invade at one time...anyways like i said thanks for uppin and imma peep your shit too...one

I liked this...

...it had it's own kind of complexity to it...and even though at times seemed a bit too blunt....overall, the bluntness of it seemed to be part of the piece...giving it that hard hiting effect if you would...

...also very raw, which i tihnk was right to do (leaving it this raw that is)...as it got the person reading more into it...it allowed the overall jist of the piece to have it's desired effect..

..respect...

^^thanks for uppin man...i just started getting into poetry and that poem is like the 7th one i have written but imma focus on this poetry shit namsayin...i can express myself better...anyways good lookin out....one