Topic: Shadows


see's it clearly grudge the one who always see's me.
and follows freely and the way he looks makes it dreamy.
believe me he wont leave me no matter what the case.
he's a dark and evil man but shows up mostly in the day.
he's gray a follower i tell him to make his own decisions.
but he's my best friend he stays on the ground when i get lifted.
by my side when i'm spitten no matter if im losin or rippin.
never heard him bitchin actually never heard him speak at all.
so it has made me enraged planning and dreaming his fall.
why wont you talk!? i scream loudly right into his face.
realize its blank it isnt me his body aint close to my length.
he changes by days im pissed i know that this isnt right.
but i killed him as i stepped to my room and turned off the light.
he's out of my sight at last happiness filled my self.
but at that second i realized something else my mind flustered.
i didnt kill him. i just brought to life all of his brothers.


.living in the shadows.

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haha nice one, consistent on the topic, good post,
nice vocab, but i understand how these lines rhymed

"loudly right into his face. realize its blank it isnt me his body aint close to my length....
happiness filled my self, but at that second i realized something else my mind flustered.
i didnt kill him. i just brought to life all of his brothers.

^^some people just don't understand that in poetry you have something called near-rhyme. It's words that aren't spelled tha same but with a simple twist of the tongue it'll sound close or at the sound of the word, hence a true poet can see thta if you say it right tha words: face and length, self and else, flustered and brothers nearly rhyme...Yo dog, tha piece is tight...keep writin'...how about peep my stuff: Elements and Tha paths we choose(for anybody doubtin'). I'd like your feedback....Thanx

Yo I liked the whole metaphor idea in the shadow thing... I was feeling this concept man...
Good spit man, had a decent flow, straight rhymes, pretty short but nothing seemed to be rushed or left out...

Peace

This was cool...you got a mind man...creative.

"i didnt kill him. i just brought to life all of his brothers."

That was like the perfect ending for this piece, their couldn't have been anything better.

Good work,

nice bro

uppppppppppppppppppp

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