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04-09-03, 12:59 PM
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#1
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Guest
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A Song For Death
IP:
something I am still working on...
Ninteen ninety eight, she reflected the contrast of her finest pain- she dropped her glasses and flashes of abandonment placed in shame- harasment of the bitter days hinders the shade of more colorful displays- her vocal cords tore away at the skies, translucent fragments of why- her facial features drowned as the tears were on the prowl to disguse- they ran the rouge off the cliff, dismissed any hint of regret and bliss- a slew of them, she tried to stop but they grew in numbers like the deficet- lighter tones roamed the pagent of her face, zoned in a sense of pain- shadows of happier times corroded brown eyes that she won't ever regain- she was the portrait of the every living mother, given the pastels of birth- he was taken for from his hunger for breathing and it all seemed rehearsed- December of the same year, I rejected every being of him that was me- dispise my efforts my inner voice was rejected to the music of life to sing- my body was misleading my spirit through the lands of quicksand- stuck in one place and now this home of his seems even more aboandoned- struck by thought his faint body falls the sillohette of a man is gone- year after year, I could not find my persistance and my hidden strength- so I couldn't climb mount everest, at the least the life I lived's length- I pushed myself with the way I would paint, how I would live- how I would compensate for the lost tears and the grief filled gifts- so this is how I would release my soul and reach a peaceful pinnicle- that's how left the thoughts of reality and enrolled in the school of thoughts, free... love... |
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04-09-03, 01:13 PM
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#2
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Guest
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IP:
rhombus this shit was tight as a fucking...something...im not exactly sure what but it was tighter then that,i love rhymes like this,this type of shit would sound something delicous over a mad mellow sorrowful beat or somethign of the like,definetly mad...propz on this,enjoyed..
thats if sound has a delicous taste...fuck i dunno im outta it today,peep my spi ton open mic some time... bismillah Last edited by Atetrack define' : 04-09-03 at 01:17 PM. |
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04-09-03, 01:59 PM
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#3
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Guest
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IP:
topic was off the meter rhom... this shit was ill as fuck... i can't write too much cuz i'm in class... but this spit was worth the reply... all i gotta say is u should finish workin on this... it has alotta potential. one.
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04-09-03, 02:21 PM
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#4
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Guest
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IP:
this was deep (sorta guessed it would be from the title) yea the topic was tight and ya vocab was nice. sumtimes ya flow fell out a bit compared wit the other bars but it was still tight. Maybe put in sum more multies and this will be even better. ANYWAY CUZ CHEC MINE BANGKOK BUSINESS http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=37595
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04-09-03, 06:29 PM
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#5
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Guest
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IP:
This was a dope piece. The flow was flawless through the first half of the first verse then slacked a little bit although not enough to make and impact on the overall of the verse. It had some amazing imagery and emotion mixed within the verse to. The whole feel of the piece made me feel as if I was lost in the thoughts trapped in someone mind. Like in their deep dark thoughts tucked away in the back of their head. It was amazing, glad to see you on RB...
pz Sorry I couldn't give you as good of a reply as you did to me... |
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04-09-03, 11:02 PM
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#6
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Guest
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IP:
^^It's coo man, I really don't expect the people who respond to my pieces to do so, I just like to help those who want the help, it feels good to know that people like that response and don't say stuff like, "oh your not understanding what I am trying to do... so whatever." Apperciated kidd...
AS FOR EVERYONE ABOVE! Thanks for the replies, I tried to get at your pieces if I haven't then I shall shortly, but thanks for all the replies, I am still trying to find some time to work on this piece, thanks it's apperciated. love.. |
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04-10-03, 08:51 PM
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#7
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Guest
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IP:
I didn't say to stop replying, or at least I don't recall me saying that...
love.. |
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04-10-03, 09:24 PM
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#8
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-Merk Squad-
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IP:
Go to the hit parade tryout thread through my link in my sig cos you got some tight shit
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04-11-03, 04:34 AM
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#9
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Guest
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IP:
Thanks man, I merely glimpsed over that and it looks like a battle type of thing, something I quite a long time ago, but I did not read too much into it, maybe when i have more time man, thanks
love... |
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05-25-03, 04:13 AM
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#10
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Guest
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IP:
::adds helium to thread::
love... |
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05-25-03, 08:46 AM
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#11
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Guest
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IP:
hah that was dope as a mutha fucka..........the multies were countlesss......the vocab was ill......it was to the point every where............................................. ......................................but the topic wasnt that original but fuck it it was an ILL DROP>...................STOP sleeping peeps
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05-26-03, 02:15 AM
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#12
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Guest
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IP:
truuuuue, thanks the reply man...it's apperciated a bunch
 love.. |
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