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Old 04-12-03, 03:24 PM   #1
caspah
Registered User
 
Posts: 239
From: nb canada
This is a Magic show

IP:

just rippin it...

you never test a spittin-trickin-magician,
whose out sippin-pickin-a mission,
and be lickin-clits-in-position, to his own admission,
at night he lays there wishin,
that he could flow all his dissin,
tha way he blows in non fiction,
cuz he just mix-n-match, and whipps-a-batch,
of dis-n-cracks, to go tit-for-tat, n make em hit-da-mat,
but it aint as simple as dat,
how can tha magician make a rabbit dissapear,
if he's never seen the rabbit cuz hes typin on here,
fightin tha fear, to go out fightin his peers,
but he holds on, and flows on, fightin the fear he knows wrong,
to dissapear and go on,
he doesnt though, he just keeps his words equivocal,
spittin rhymes that in spurs are mistical, thinkin urs dispicable,
criminally indictable,
hatin fakes commitin lyrical larceny,
he waves his wand emmittin mirical arseny,
burnin ur pages-written clerical farcically,
cuz there ridiculous whether or not u intended,
shit he aint offended, he just wish u did as recomended,
spent some Time thinkin bout ur Rhyme before u pened it,
that way he wouldnt get so bored,
readin the same shit hes read 30 times before,
yall take the same weapons when yas head to war,
so i suggest for my magician friend,
that u get ur "right" brain workin, come up with somethin new and then,
shock this entire board like you always new u can


"right" side of ur brain is where creativity happens
equivocal means misleading
farcically is like farce, as in its somthin ridiculous

hit me with tonsa feed back yall
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Old 04-12-03, 03:49 PM   #2
caspah
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Posts: 239
From: nb canada
IP:

^^^
no1s even looked at it yet
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Old 04-12-03, 03:51 PM   #3
RythmicTendicies
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Posts: n/a
IP:

has a decent flow good shit man!00
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Old 04-13-03, 12:29 AM   #4
caspah
Registered User
 
Posts: 239
From: nb canada
IP:

UPppp

i need a little feed back, if its good tell me why and how it could be better
if its bad tell me too
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Old 04-13-03, 11:47 AM   #5
caspah
Registered User
 
Posts: 239
From: nb canada
IP:

^^^^
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Old 04-13-03, 03:56 PM   #6
caspah
Registered User
 
Posts: 239
From: nb canada
IP:

quit sleepin on me yall i just want a lil feed back good or bad
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Old 04-13-03, 10:02 PM   #7
12cent hooligan
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Posts: n/a
IP:

how can tha magician make a rabbit dissapear,
if he's never seen the rabbit cuz hes typin on here,


I like those lines a lot
u have great vocabulary and knowledge
and the flow was good for this piece, it only fell a couple a times
it could have used some punches just to break the
sound and make parts stand out
I give it a 7 outta 10

PS return the favor on my "The Lonely Mic"
thx
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