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Old 04-15-03, 07:21 PM   #1
Phantasia
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I guess "It hurts"

IP:

Just so you know this was written with no feeling because I have
no idea what those are, So just read it.

It hurts when I smile in your face,
you anticipating something to roll off these smooth lips,
but get only nonsense.
It hurts not to let you know what is held inside the mind of this confused little girl,
A wall of security from all things foreign, never being broken.
My mind races, heart pounds with every embrace.
Soothing to the touch,
It absorbs me.
I can't stand it!
It hurts to not be able to show my emotions.
I need to vent!
It hurts that you will never get a glimpse inside the mixed up world I call my own.
All things known you will never know.
It hurts to hear all those who despise and connive,
makin mental notes of our every move,
Awaiting a gap to come between us to slip in a sabotage what little happiness we do retain and It Hurts.
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Old 04-16-03, 01:11 PM   #2
Calisto
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IP:

I loved the flow of this! The disclaimer at the beginning served as kind of a tone setter. I like the numbness that is put into it and the veiwpoint taken to perceive what not knowing would be like, whether or not you know or this is just a literary device, I'm not sure but whatever it is I was feelin this... peace
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Old 04-16-03, 07:29 PM   #3
varentao
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Aye, like you were bursting to 'comprehend' the emotions you were feeling, but didn't know you were feeling in a way..confusion..

...i think the explanation like thingy at the start could've been incorporated into the poem itself..but still, fairly well done...

...resp....
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Old 04-17-03, 10:08 AM   #4
Van Ished
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Posts: 962
From: Dallas/Jacksonville/Cleveland
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I thought you said that there was more of this poem......... but none-the-less it was interesting because of it'shifting content...
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Old 04-17-03, 01:59 PM   #5
AngelicSheShe
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It was intresting but I could feel it.. it didn't have a flow to it.. OoNnEe
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Old 04-17-03, 07:37 PM   #6
Phantasia
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Well thanks for the feed back and pa it is more to this but I didn't post it, Why should I?
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Old 04-17-03, 08:51 PM   #7
Lyrically InSane
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it was cool shorty keep expressin ya self aight
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