I wrote this a few weeks ago. Refined it a bit so check it out.


Swallow two tabs of E and go to a rave//
and save yourself from your existence.//
Persistence is the key to be whatever it is you wanna be.//
Take a look at me and you'll believe//
this is what I do. This is who I am.//
Give yourself a hand, pat on the back.//
Attack the plan with the ferocity you see on Animal Planet.// Everybody's born with a clean slate.//
It doesn't get marred till you start to hate//
the people, the government, the entire scene.//
Individuality's not as easy as it seems.//
Live on one path so when you're stuck in a hole//
you can figure out a way to save your soul.//
Without being something you're not.//
Even if it means you'll end up shot.//

that one's better bud... you had a few nice bars, you really gotta work on word play...

Live on one path so when you're stuck in a hole//
you can figure out a way to save your soul.//
^ I liked how that flowed...

yea the only advice I can give you is work on word play, you got a mad vocab, rhyme scheme plays out pretty well, all you gotta do is throw in some mind boggling play on words...

peace 1

__________________

jus to let you know man, you gotta respond to other peoples shit or you ain't gonna get no responses...

__________________

You gotta lot of work to do... it was aight though, for only having that few of posts.

flow was way off, interesting rhyme scheme though, if you polish yo shit, you could have sumthin