this is the second verse to a song Im workin on called "Tears of the Mic", the first is "The Lonely Mic" if anyone has any ideas on a hook i would appreciate it

I dont mean most of this shit dogg, just venting


have you ever been betrayed and some shit/
have you ever considered slittin ur wrist/
well if so...this song is for you....checkit yo....yo/
....yo the tears drop outta the pen/
and again, the ink spills my pent/
up rage and anger, life's turned gay and stranger/
everyday I hang'a/
lil closer off the edge/
yeah right......best friends my nuts/
what are you nuts/
was it worth it...to give it up/
cuz faggot im this close to fuckin you up/
but this bitch is too pussy-whipped to get pistol-whipped/
by my dick so im just gonna have to let this shit/
go for now even though/
(mocking "Dawson's Creek" theme song "I dont want to wait")
"I dont wanna wait for this bitch to step up to me
I want to start swingin riight now
makin fuckin paint stains in his panties yeah
this fag is just all sorts of confused"
I see u've made ur descision, well listen cuz Ive made one as well/
with ur half ass rhymes, ur an all ass rapper/
sendin' ur lyrics straight down the fuckin crapper/
so stop tryin' to be me/
cuz u suck, u are not a real emcee/
but I dont blame you/
I would turn my back on my best friend too/
for a hippie-slut who'd give it up in less then a month/
she is not worth her FUCK-IN CUNT/
bros before hos my FUCK-IN NUTS/
so let me forever clear the static off my mic/
and try to clear this faggot off my mind/
so now its only me, lonely me, left a foresaken emcee/
wont be long 'fore my pen and my pad turn their back against me/
and thats all folks/
and thats all.

i know the flow is tough to read
it doesnt translate well to text
but just like "The Lonely Mic"
it flows exactly how i want it when it is done outloud
so please dont critique on that

PS i will return the favor on ur open mic or ur battle
thx

uppin
i will return the favor

your right it is a little hard to read, but that shit dont matta cause once again u countinue to rip da mic up, well i lik readin all ur posts, da only question i gotz is why u still here? man if u just freestylin this shit, i cant imnagine how good ur shit would be if u sat and thought hard bout ur shit. cant wait ta hear more from u. peace.

this is a great follow up to tha lonely mic for sure, dude. It sounds really angry, you know, just full of rage at something that went wrong, and it really expresses it well. It seemed like you were talkin about two things, a friend who betrayed you, and a shitty MC...maybe both are the same? I dunno...good spit tho

__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis

thx for uppin
yea they both are one in the same
uhh...please dont sleep on this
i put a lot of heart into this

uppin

both were off the hook dawg i wish i could come up with shit like that even though i'm just a beginner i guess it's gon' be awhile

now that weve talked about it....
it was ok
i still dont like it

but was it a good drop.....

just kiddin' yeah thx for uppin guys
Clear I cant say anything cuz we just talked it out
right now on the phone so there aint much else to say
except y'know i was pissed and just releasin it
but u knoe how i really feel, ur my boy and will always be homey

did anyone else think that could of come out any gayer?

yeah man, If I heard it the way you would say it... then it would probably have a better flow... but from how I read it... the flow was a bit off... yah know...
Yo what can I say... I like the energy in your rhymes... that ventin' stuff really comes out... likes there's a good amount of feeling in this... but I thought I was a bit simple at some points... and some parts sounded pretty nice... "....yo the tears drop outta the pen/
and again, the ink spills my pent/" I liked the way this was started... good metas....
-1-

i liked this one but i think loney mic was better