I replied too:

Atetrack define' Zions
GrYm StYlE To Much Bla Bla Bla Pure Fire
TREACH P Round 1 first open mic so dont hate


In The Lab

I think of tha time/
it takes to undermine/
The rhymes of a borderline/
Mastermind with the heart of swine/
Its nothing really just of matter of time/
And Ima blow like proximity mines/
The kid never conveys nursery rhymes in a verse/
But it’s child’s play whenever I put in the work/
To administer mine to the baseline goin berserk/
Patience is a thin line like fish lines so stay on alert/
Cause I’m bound to hurt ya at the twenty-four count/
This aint a playground but I put heads thru merry-go-rounds/
I don’t have a chorus lined up/
But I hook ya with a rigorous amount of punchlines Duck!/
Words Put you in a bind when its crunch time/
Step up to the front lines I’ll crush ya lines/
You’ll end up behind like I cut you in the lunch line/
I stay hungry but I never bite when its pun time/
Though I munch men severely like its lunchtime/
These Candy rappers with candy bars who underline/
My taste sometimes but tongue’s tie after I bust this onetime/
Sound the drum-line/
Hear the battle cry/
I’m the last warrior alive
So I’m the fittest to survive//

Im torn runnin toward shunned dreams/
Until my breathin contorts and asthma makes lungs cling/
So lean left, to brace yourself to get stumped right/
Hold ya spleen, strap ya seat belt up tight/
Ima get felt like an adrenaline rush/
Air melts my spit is burnin the heat off ya Dutch/
You gon’ get touched with this until ya get Goosebumps/
Music like poppin X with a slut grabbin ya loose nuts/
Yearnin to get up as Im turnin the beat up/
Ya blood suds up cause I drop heat like cigarette butts/
So bring the drugs when Synop stay in the cut /
And dick-heads lay down cause I’m fuckin they head up/
Im the guy to call to instill Subliminal strife/
Sterilize the mind and strike to blind the third eye/
Verbally sodomize the pitiful minds/
Of those inclined to touch mic devices with the likes of mine/
All I need is one stand and a spotlight/
One hand and mic to rock it right until police arrive/
And It seems Jail time is imminent/
and I don’t like to waist time for a minute /
That’s why I intend/
To disfigure ya from waist-line to tendon/
And my discretion will surrender/
So come one! come all! and splendor/
At how I dismember the fruits of ya labor/
And I’m blend em limber like blades in a blender/

CONSTRCUTIVE CRITICSM

with the heart of swine/that bit's not good
heads thru merry-go-rounds/tis wasnt funny

Im torn runnin toward shunned dreams/
Until my breathin contorts and asthma makes lungs cling/good
Ima get felt like an adrenaline rush/
Air melts my spit is burnin the heat off ya Dutch/good
And dick-heads lay down cause I’m fuckin they head up/alrite

yo rhymes improved thru that piece started off pretty wack ended up alrite....tis was ok.......the vocab at the end was a lot better then the start, and some of ur lines were too small......is that contructive enough


reply to my shit called "Thread Of Life"
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=46447

iwas aiight synopsist...i thought you used line to much in one of your lines,i mean lines wiht the word line in them get dull nahmean coz they only rhyme with line....see mean...haha im jus tplayin,yeah you had that bar withthe fish lines an dshit,try to use somehting else but line for that one,and maybe

Patience is a thin line like fish lines so stay on alert/

turn it into

Patience is a thin line like fish twine so stay alert/

maybe?,just check your shit over to rub out stuff like that nahmean.....
also check each line flows with the other before and after it nahmean,itll come out easier....like trill said,the merry go round shit made me laugh...and it started off a bit weak,but ended up nicely i thought....keep elevating with it nahmean....if you need help with shi tjust pm me an ill be glad to help....thankyou for putting up that response to the threads at the start also...you obvioulsy read the rules and shit nahmean.....sound lsike a good idea to do that from now on,i peep most of the piosts anyways when i have the time.....
anyway dun,keep posting and youll advance the shit,i liked this so far but...

bismillah