RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases > Poetic Scriptures
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 05-14-03, 09:28 AM   #1
G_Gizmo.Guz
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Exclamation My 5 Flowers

IP:

yo i dropped this in open mic but peeps thought i should post it here


My 5 Flowers

In this box you will find
What you only find in my heart
Five flowers that will never die
and my love for you, that with time, will only multiply

Flower 1:
The day we met
It was a Wednesday Morning
A day in September to be Precise
I felt meaningless
you saw me lonely , you talked to me
and with a smile you made me breathe

Flower 2:
The day we kissed
It was a cold day in the fall, but all we felt was bliss
you looked at me and kissed my lips
I knew from then, my love for you will never slip

Flower 3:
The day we finally hooked up and made it official
SOme liked it, Some didnt,
but never did i let someone diss you
Our hopes to never let go and stay together for a wedding
Our loving days together were just a matter of telling

Flower 4:
The day I told you I loved you
I was certain , cause for something Like this , I dont make mistakes.
you said you loved me too.
If I were to ever hate you, The lord my soul to take.

Flower 5:
The day my reality came to an end
A short dark day in January, some 5 months since I met you
I havent seen you since yesterday, and never will in my living days.
I spent with you the entire day , we talked and laughed like everyday.

You left with your friends, I watched you leave
They asked you questions as if u were a celebrity
and you denied everything, including the way you felt for me
you stabbed me in the heart, you flushed away the memories.
And now my dear, you are dead to me....

I gave you my life,I gave you my all
I still lie heartbroken , you see me everyday, and dont bother to call...
But i cannot change the past with these words Ive said..
These five flowers symbolize my love
and they will never be dead..
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-03, 08:00 PM   #2
G_Gizmo.Guz
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
IP:

Uppin what yall think
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-03, 11:51 PM   #3
[*¤ÐîMêØñФ* ]
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
IP:

This was awesome, i love this was so different to other poems ive seen and trust me i used to look at alot being an EX poetry mod here!!
Very sweet boo,
Props!!

Pz
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-15-03, 08:42 AM   #4
G_Gizmo.Guz
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
IP:

Thanx a lot....STill uppin for some more peeps
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-17-03, 11:55 AM   #5
Silky
New to RB
 
Silky's Avatar
 
Posts: 33
From: Hillingdon (West London)
IP:

yea... this was a really nice piece... feeling it a lot... props

Peace
Send a message via AIM to Silky Send a message via MSN to Silky Send a message via Yahoo to Silky   Reply With Quote
Old 05-19-03, 08:04 PM   #6
latina4life
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
IP:

i agree wit the others dis waz really good
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-19-03, 08:25 PM   #7
Legendary
Light Weight
 
Posts: 234
IP:

Like Diamond said, this one was different. I've never read one with this kind of concept. The flowers and all. It was really good. I enjoyed it.

"Flower 1:
The day we met
It was a Wednesday Morning
A day in September to be Precise
I felt meaningless
you saw me lonely , you talked to me
and with a smile you made me breathe"

This part I liked because the first time you meet that special someone is always remembered. And you wrote about it well. Expressed it with good words. I liked the last line how you said she made you breathe with a smile. It was good.

"Flower 5:
The day my reality came to an end
A short dark day in January, some 5 months since I met you
I havent seen you since yesterday, and never will in my living days.
I spent with you the entire day , we talked and laughed like everyday.

You left with your friends, I watched you leave
They asked you questions as if u were a celebrity
and you denied everything, including the way you felt for me
you stabbed me in the heart, you flushed away the memories.
And now my dear, you are dead to me...."

This part of it kind of shocked me. Early on in the poem everything seemed to be going great then came that twist to it. I didn't expect that at all.

This was definately a good piece. I felt it as I was reading it. Nice job.
Send a message via AIM to Legendary Send a message via Yahoo to Legendary   Reply With Quote
Old 05-20-03, 10:18 AM   #8
G_Gizmo.Guz
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
IP:

THanx everyone....Still uppin what everyone else thinx



by the way ...its based on something that actually happened in my life
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-20-03, 02:40 PM   #9
§olja*Lyricist
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
IP:

Real good poem towards the end I was shocked by the twist...
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-20-03, 04:52 PM   #10
DaGyrlRemarqabL
..A New Breed of Femcee..
 
DaGyrlRemarqabL's Avatar
 
Posts: 454
IP:

^Yeah. Nice twist at the end.
Madd original stuff, the whole 5 flowers bit, really creative. Lots of emotion in this, easy to feel and relate to. Ending was really powerful, over all tight piece. Stay up with this n keep blessin us.
Peace.
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-03, 08:37 AM   #11
G_Gizmo.Guz
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
IP:

^thanx
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-18-03, 11:59 PM   #12
verbal ice
Registered User
 
verbal ice's Avatar
 
Posts: 68
From: North of the T dot
IP:

Ya man this was really creative i thought it was really good
__________________
Fuck the haters
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-19-03, 07:52 PM   #13
filed
Sharp Perfection.
 
filed's Avatar
 
Posts: 450
From: HELL!!....and yet you think im jokin
IP:

NICE piece creative and all keep them pumpin
__________________
R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~
keep singing in heaven
Send a message via AIM to filed Send a message via MSN to filed Send a message via Yahoo to filed   Reply With Quote
Old 06-20-03, 12:28 AM   #14
SmoothCrmnl
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
IP:

eyo eyo man

do doubt the flow and wordplay were off the chains...it wasn't a chore to read like other poetry....i wanna read more...

the twist at the end - from happy to sad made it great

holla
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-20-03, 12:39 AM   #15
SmoothCrmnl
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
IP:

  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:30 AM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.