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Old 05-23-03, 06:47 PM   #1
synickle
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"hearts desires but questionable doubts"

IP:

Look into my heart and tell me what you see. These words are

simple but emotions is stronger than L O V E. Lady Do you see

what you have done to me take ova my mind one look at your

frame and eye frozen. Heart is stunned but mind is thinking what

is the next move and your next thought of thee. I only want to

touch so beautiful but i think poison. Curves wide and ass like a

dump truck but dam why you have to be taken. See questionable

doubts but you stroke your hand across my face as if this was a

love scene. Only to take the breath out my lungs then kiss to

breathe again why hurt me so if you cant be with out thy

lova. Heart pounds away like drums want to hold so tight

hands grasp your thighs then a bite on your neck. Its a symbol

of expression but not right to show the world. To only keep thy

mouth shut shall we be together at this nite again. I leave and

say I love you when shall we meet again?. Head held above

water but i turn to my car my mans walk through the door a

fake kiss upon his face and never to be known of me. What do i

do when theres two of us and one of thee?. Heart desires mind

body and soul but cant have what is taken so share with my soul.

~~Bee~~
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Old 05-25-03, 04:33 PM   #2
Legendary
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Posts: 234
IP:

Hey, I don't have a lot of time to put up why I liked this but I did like it. I thought I'd write a short something then go ahead and up it for you.

You described everything really good in it. I was able to play the situation out in my head so that always helps me understand the writing better. I felt it too. I been in a situation like that. But good post.
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Old 05-26-03, 11:23 AM   #3
varentao
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IP:

Executed well....

...yet in a kind of on the edge style that allowed the piece grow on the reader...and really get one into it...also a very good use of imagery too...

..though i felt the use of thy and thee was misplaced one or twice...you know, could've been worked a bit better..but didn't disrupt the piece that much at all..

..resp....
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Old 05-27-03, 03:42 AM   #4
DiverseSyndicate
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IP:

this shit was tight,good story,good word play,easy to follow, keep postin.peace kid
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Old 05-27-03, 11:52 PM   #5
synickle
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IP:

thank yall 4 uppin dis i have to sho yall love to
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